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Tell Me About It: House purchase has brother acting weird

 
Published Aug. 31, 2016

Q: My brother and his wife recently bought a house, and said — not once but twice — we should look at the house around the corner that was also for sale. I was a little surprised because while my brother and I get along well, his wife has never expressed much interest in our family.

We went to look and wound up really liking it. We decided to make an offer and asked if they were sure they were okay with our making the offer. They said yes (somewhat enthusiastically too!).

After we did, my brother sent us a text basically saying they were afraid living so close would be stressful to them, and our kids might have issues in school (same ages, not even in school yet). My husband and I were obviously upset.

Our offer was accepted and we decided to keep moving forward. We never responded to his text and there is some obvious tension. My brother has refused to respond to texts about inspectors and mortgages, etc., basically refusing to acknowledge we are going through with the purchase. I feel like we probably should talk things out. Any advice?

House Drama

A: Since their roulette ball has dropped into the "panic at your moving so close" slot, I suggest you avoid any remedies that would only exacerbate their fear of being invaded. That means no more texts about inspectors or mortgages (a good policy anyway, seriously) and no "We need to talk" overtures.

So, what would work? Possibly nothing with this crew, but you can try continuing to be in touch with them on roughly the schedule you've always been, and seeing them at the next interval you usually would. Prove you won't be up in their grilles.

When you do see them, what the hell, thank them for tipping you off to this house.

This is, of course, highly weird, but you aren't starting the weird, you're just rolling with it. Maybe when you prove you'll respect their space, they'll be a little less protective of it.