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Tell Me About It: Husband-to-be concerned about fiancee's rapport with roommate

Q: My fiancee and I are currently living with two roommates we've both known for a few years. This is for financial reasons and will end in six months.

My fiancee seems to be in a little bit of a funk recently, stressed and more depressed (yes, she's medicated). She seems to be in a better mood hanging out with our roommate who is the same age/sex as me. They don't go hanging out together, just the two of them; I don't think anything extra is going on. But when they're just talking or watching TV or doing something mutual around the house, she seems to be happier than when she does the same things with me.

This makes me happy for her because she's in a better mood, but then I get sad and jealous because I start questioning why I don't put her in that mood.

I don't get the same negative feelings when I see her having a much better time with some of her lifelong friends of the opposite sex. She sees them infrequently, and they all have much more in common.

Should I bring this up, or let it go?

Minor Brooding in Oregon

A: It is important not to read too much into relationships that are easier than a lifelong commitment. Money, health and stress are burdens that committed couples have to deal with together.

But: It's also important not to read too little into her easy compatibility with others. Did you two ever have that rapport? If so, then the answer could be as simple as making more room for fun.

If not, then it's entirely possible you're not as compatible, and maintaining a relationship that, while loving, requires extra effort from you both. It's also possible for the depression, stress and jealousy to be side effects of the emotional fatigue of having to work to make things work. Worth a think.

Tell Me About It: Husband-to-be concerned about fiancee's rapport with roommate 08/31/14 [Last modified: Monday, September 1, 2014 12:50pm]
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