Clear69° WeatherClear69° Weather

Tell Me About It: If fondness is growing in new relationship, don't worry about swoon factor

Q: I am female, unmarried, and in my late 30s (I know, kiss of death). From the ages of 32-36, I was never asked on a date, presumably because I am overweight and not conventionally attractive.

I joined an online dating site last year and have started having more luck. The man I am seeing currently seems to be interested in a relationship, which ultimately is what I am looking for. As far as having feelings for him, I am at about a 65 percent, which sounds somewhat low, I know. He is very kind and we share interests — that's about it. I don't find him stunningly attractive, but I enjoy his companionship and can feel my fondness for him growing. Is this enough? I have talked this over extensively with a few friends, who say I'm settling.

Do I stay in a relationship with this person knowing he doesn't (and may never) make me swoon, or do I go back to my single, lonely life?

Better Than Being Alone?

A: "He is very kind and we share interests — that's about it." You say that as if it's faint praise, but many a lifetime friendship is built on that very combination. It's one I've sought since reaching adulthood: in a partner when I was single and in friends always.

The amount of time you've known each other has some bearing on whether it's a good idea to keep hoping for sparks, but in general I believe that when your appreciation for someone is growing versus diminishing, the time with that person is worthwhile. Why dwell on the details if you don't have to?

If your affection stalls at "pleasant but meh," then settling becomes a risk.

I feel I have to say something on your opening parenthetical. Since when is that age and status the "kiss of death"? A good life is a good life in any form and at any time.

Tell Me About It: If fondness is growing in new relationship, don't worry about swoon factor 08/13/14 [Last modified: Thursday, August 7, 2014 11:14pm]

Copyright: For copyright information, please check with the distributor of this item, Washington Post Writers Group.
    

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

Loading...