Thursday, April 26, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: If fondness is growing in new relationship, don't worry about swoon factor

Q: I am female, unmarried, and in my late 30s (I know, kiss of death). From the ages of 32-36, I was never asked on a date, presumably because I am overweight and not conventionally attractive.

I joined an online dating site last year and have started having more luck. The man I am seeing currently seems to be interested in a relationship, which ultimately is what I am looking for. As far as having feelings for him, I am at about a 65 percent, which sounds somewhat low, I know. He is very kind and we share interests — that's about it. I don't find him stunningly attractive, but I enjoy his companionship and can feel my fondness for him growing. Is this enough? I have talked this over extensively with a few friends, who say I'm settling.

Do I stay in a relationship with this person knowing he doesn't (and may never) make me swoon, or do I go back to my single, lonely life?

Better Than Being Alone?

A: "He is very kind and we share interests — that's about it." You say that as if it's faint praise, but many a lifetime friendship is built on that very combination. It's one I've sought since reaching adulthood: in a partner when I was single and in friends always.

The amount of time you've known each other has some bearing on whether it's a good idea to keep hoping for sparks, but in general I believe that when your appreciation for someone is growing versus diminishing, the time with that person is worthwhile. Why dwell on the details if you don't have to?

If your affection stalls at "pleasant but meh," then settling becomes a risk.

I feel I have to say something on your opening parenthetical. Since when is that age and status the "kiss of death"? A good life is a good life in any form and at any time.

Comments
5 things to do under $5: 10,000 Maniacs, Dragon Boat Races, Pepper Fest

5 things to do under $5: 10,000 Maniacs, Dragon Boat Races, Pepper Fest

Here's your free and cheap ideas for the weekend.
Updated: 7 hours ago
Royal Guardsmen return, Snoopy in tow, 50 years after Florida’s first pop hit

Royal Guardsmen return, Snoopy in tow, 50 years after Florida’s first pop hit

OCALAIt’s midmorning at the pub, not far from the backyard patio where it all began, and the old guys from the old band are reminiscing on the old days over cream of mushroom soup."When we were kids," Billy Taylor said, "all you wanted was a hot show...
Published: 04/26/18
Plan your weekend April 27-29: Jeff Dunham, Flo Rida at Busch Gardens, Sunscreen Film Fest, dragon boat races, Green Thumb Fest

Plan your weekend April 27-29: Jeff Dunham, Flo Rida at Busch Gardens, Sunscreen Film Fest, dragon boat races, Green Thumb Fest

Plan your weekendAthletes St. Anthony’s Triathlon: Elite professional athletes and Olympians from around the world will be at this St. Petersburg race this weekend, one of the premier triathlon events in the country. There’s a big incentive, with ca...
Published: 04/25/18
Top things to do this week in Tampa Bay: Jeff Dunham, Victor Wooten and Sinbad perform jazz

Top things to do this week in Tampa Bay: Jeff Dunham, Victor Wooten and Sinbad perform jazz

PUPPET MASTER: Jeff DunhamCelebrated ventriloquist Jeff Dunham is no dummy. The record-breaking comedy superstar sells out arenas around the world, bringing along his ill-behaved puppets including grouchy Walter, Achmed the Dead Terrorist, redneck Bu...
Published: 04/25/18
This week’s best concerts: Flo Rida, Queens of the Stone Age, Bay 2 Beach Festival and more

This week’s best concerts: Flo Rida, Queens of the Stone Age, Bay 2 Beach Festival and more

ROCK ROYALTY: Queens of the Stone AgeWhen Queens of the Stone Age singer Josh Homme got in trouble recently for kicking a photographer at a show, local fans might have seen it coming. During a gig here in 2014, a fan got up on stage and tried to gree...
Published: 04/25/18

Tell Me About It: Father-in-law loses it over baby’s name

Q: My husband and I are late-20s and expecting a baby girl. My husband and I both kept our own last names. My father-in-law, ["Phil"], has absolutely lost it upon learning that we plan to hyphenate the baby’s last name, reportedly crying and fuming e...
Published: 04/25/18

Tell Me About It: Addressing the party no-show epidemic

Q: My family recently celebrated our son’s birthday. We had a number of guests RSVP "yes" to our invitation who not only didn’t show, but also didn’t even have the decency to contact us to let us know. It’s been a week since the party.This left us wi...
Published: 04/24/18

Tell Me About It: Sister’s remark is a teaching opportunity

My husband’s sister, "Kate," is expecting her second child. They have a 3-year-old girl. My husband and I have two girls, 8 and 6. At our house this week, Kate talked extensively about her hopes that this next baby is a boy. Some of her reasons are c...
Published: 04/23/18

Tell Me About It: Mom fears she has discussed sex too soon

Q: This week I was in a discussion with a bunch of other third-grade parents about what our kids know about sex. The vast majority of these parents said their children were "clueless" and they wanted to maintain their kids’ innocence. I was one of th...
Published: 04/22/18
Underoath’s Spencer Chamberlain talks breakup, reunion, getting sober and returning to St. Petersburg

Underoath’s Spencer Chamberlain talks breakup, reunion, getting sober and returning to St. Petersburg

ST. PETERSBURG — HGTV fanatic that he is, Spencer Chamberlain sees a metaphor for his band in the ever-evolving St. Petersburg skyline."When you go downtown and you look at the ONE, that used to be a dirt parking lot," said the singer, referring to a...
Published: 04/20/18
Updated: 04/23/18