Sunday, September 23, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Imbalance of chores creates resentment

Q: My husband easily makes four times my salary and works 60-80 hours per week. I do shift-based work so I often have consecutive days off after pulling several long shifts. Obviously this gives me a lot more time to deal with household tasks than he does, but I'm starting to get fed up with doing all the housework.

Since he makes so much more than I do, is it fair that he doesn't do a lot of housework? We can't afford to hire outside help as we still have student loans.

I get annoyed every time I think about how he'll probably also be okay leaving me with the bulk of child care/household duties in the future. What do you think?


A: I think money earned has nothing to do with these calculations.

I think time, though, does. He works 60-80 hours per week for your family's benefit, so arguably you can do your 40 hours plus an hour a day of housework.

When there's a sense of injustice brewing between you, some counting is inevitable, and so my advice is to count using as broad a scope as possible. It's a system of Whole Marriage Thinking. It's about hours worked, chores done, goals supported, everything.

So look at your marriage and ask yourself:

(1) Are you really putting in more than you're getting out, and/or is he putting in less than he takes?

(2) If yes, then is this a temporary condition in service of a mutual goal, like paying off debt? Or is there a power imbalance between you?

(3) Are there things you agreed to initially that you're questioning now?

Once you've identified your ducks, rounded them up and got them in a formation, then you have the conversation with your husband accordingly.

Or not, of course, if you realize it's all okay with you, and you just needed to look at it all again with fresh eyes — and maybe an open mind, too, to things you too quickly ruled out.


Tell Me About It: Bean-counting brother needs a lesson in kindness

Q: My sister owns a few apartment buildings and my mother lives there rent-free. My mother plans to give my sister slightly more in her will. Our brother is angry about this, he wants my sister to just charge our mother rent. My sister thinks our mom...
Published: 09/21/18
Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

13 Ugly Men Halloween PartyThese "ugly" men sure know how to party with three floors offering new tricks and treats, DJ dancing and a light show making the 10th annual Halloween party a "Party with a Purpose." Benefits Beat NB. 8 p.m. Oct. 26. Yborís...
Published: 09/19/18

Tell Me About It: Frequently displaced wife has had enough moves

Q: I have been married to my second husband for 24 years. We have a 16-year-old and I have two adult children.I have moved seven times in 17 years for his job. He didnít have to quit and take another job, but they were opportunities for him to climb ...
Published: 09/19/18
Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Spare the gore and take the kids to these family-friendly Halloween parties planned at theme parks and attractions in the coming weeks. Creatures of the Night at ZooTampa The weekend nighttime Halloween party at ZooTampa at Lowry Park returns with...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Busy couple seeks ways to downsize for the future

Q: Over a decade, my salary has tripled (Iím quite well-paid now), my work hours and responsibilities have increased, and ó because Iím so frequently tired or short on time ó my "outsourcing" has increased, too. Think: frequent takeout, a dog-walker,...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Parents want bully brother to be his best man

Q: Iím getting married. Thatís awesome. However, my parents want me to ask my brother to be my best man. The idea of letting my brother, whoís spent his whole life being the biggest jerk he can manage, stand up and give a speech about me makes me wan...
Published: 09/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom is frustrated by teenís dislike of academics

Q: I have a 15-year-old son who is obviously bright but hates school. My husband and I canít helicopter him to success because (a) we donít want to be helicopter parents, and (b) he has developed ninja-like skills when it comes to evading any attempt...
Updated one month ago

Tell Me About It: In search of ways to stop the family over-talker

Q: During extended family get-togethers with my side of the family, there is one person who does 95 percent of the talking. When I ask someone else in the room a question about their lives, this person always jumps in and takes over the conversation ...
Updated one month ago
Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens will open Florida’s tallest launch coaster in spring 2019, company officials announced Wednesday. The triple-launch, tiger-themed roller coaster called Tigris will hurl riders 150 feet into the sky, turn them upside down and swirl...
Published: 09/12/18

Tell Me About It:

Mom-to-be decides who will join her in deliveryQ: I am six months pregnant with my first child. Iíve been fixated a bit on who to have in the delivery room with me, I think because itís one of the few elements I can control in this pregnancy. Should ...
Updated one month ago