Tuesday, September 25, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Immature friend's ghosting was inevitable

Q: I would like your perspective on a ghosting situation. I met "Rose" four years ago in college. We kept in touch even after she transferred to a different college and after I graduated and moved to D.C. Despite a six-year age difference, we've always gotten along and talked almost every day.

Then, one day two weeks ago, Rose stopped talking to me completely. She started by not answering my texts. I tried calling, emailing, Facebooking and even Instagram messaging with no response. I got worried and reached out to a mutual friend; he said she's fine and has maintained contact with him.

I'm completely baffled. We didn't have a fight and I can't think of a reason for Rose to cut me off like this. I miss her. We were supposed to go to a concert together later this summer and I'm starting to think that might not happen. Do you have any advice?

Wondering in Washington

A: Not really — which is exactly the point and power of ghosting. You have no recourse. You just text and dwell and fret and twist yourself into progressively sadder knots.

Full disclosure: I see ghosting as weak, cowardly and cruel, except when necessary to escape dangerous relationships safely. By caring, we empower people to hurt our feelings; ghosting abuses that power, and thus accounts for some of the bigger holes in my compassion and empathy reservoirs.

So, Rose. Someone capable of such an epic failure of maturity was going to let you down at some point. People who can't handle direct communication when they're upset about something also can't handle a close, long-term friendship.

The exception is if she comes around and admits, with apologies, that she was wrong to vanish without explanation and wrong to believe that even a valid grievance justified harming you so. If she does express such regrets — and I hope she does — then be ready to hear her out calmly on whatever started it all.


Tell Me About It: Bean-counting brother needs a lesson in kindness

Q: My sister owns a few apartment buildings and my mother lives there rent-free. My mother plans to give my sister slightly more in her will. Our brother is angry about this, he wants my sister to just charge our mother rent. My sister thinks our mom...
Published: 09/21/18
Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

13 Ugly Men Halloween PartyThese "ugly" men sure know how to party with three floors offering new tricks and treats, DJ dancing and a light show making the 10th annual Halloween party a "Party with a Purpose." Benefits Beat NB. 8 p.m. Oct. 26. Yborís...
Published: 09/19/18

Tell Me About It: Frequently displaced wife has had enough moves

Q: I have been married to my second husband for 24 years. We have a 16-year-old and I have two adult children.I have moved seven times in 17 years for his job. He didnít have to quit and take another job, but they were opportunities for him to climb ...
Published: 09/19/18
Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Spare the gore and take the kids to these family-friendly Halloween parties planned at theme parks and attractions in the coming weeks. Creatures of the Night at ZooTampa The weekend nighttime Halloween party at ZooTampa at Lowry Park returns with...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Busy couple seeks ways to downsize for the future

Q: Over a decade, my salary has tripled (Iím quite well-paid now), my work hours and responsibilities have increased, and ó because Iím so frequently tired or short on time ó my "outsourcing" has increased, too. Think: frequent takeout, a dog-walker,...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Parents want bully brother to be his best man

Q: Iím getting married. Thatís awesome. However, my parents want me to ask my brother to be my best man. The idea of letting my brother, whoís spent his whole life being the biggest jerk he can manage, stand up and give a speech about me makes me wan...
Published: 09/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom is frustrated by teenís dislike of academics

Q: I have a 15-year-old son who is obviously bright but hates school. My husband and I canít helicopter him to success because (a) we donít want to be helicopter parents, and (b) he has developed ninja-like skills when it comes to evading any attempt...
Updated one month ago

Tell Me About It: In search of ways to stop the family over-talker

Q: During extended family get-togethers with my side of the family, there is one person who does 95 percent of the talking. When I ask someone else in the room a question about their lives, this person always jumps in and takes over the conversation ...
Updated one month ago
Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens will open Florida’s tallest launch coaster in spring 2019, company officials announced Wednesday. The triple-launch, tiger-themed roller coaster called Tigris will hurl riders 150 feet into the sky, turn them upside down and swirl...
Published: 09/12/18

Tell Me About It:

Mom-to-be decides who will join her in deliveryQ: I am six months pregnant with my first child. Iíve been fixated a bit on who to have in the delivery room with me, I think because itís one of the few elements I can control in this pregnancy. Should ...
Updated one month ago