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Tell Me About It: Infantile husband shouldn't be a father

 
Published Nov. 12, 2015

husband shouldn't be a father

Q: My husband and I are both late 30s so the decision to have a child is somewhat pressing. I want one but don't see my partner as a desirable parent, both toward me and the child.

It's his lack of empathy, his short fuse and quick-to-yell attitude, and his self-loathing and lack of ambition. He is an adult who basically throws a tantrum if he is doing something competitive and loses. He tends to be reactive, and I have a hard time broaching many subjects without preparing myself to be berated.

I'm worried he will influence our child to think negatively or to be an entitled, poor loser.

Is it a matter of, I made the bed so I should lie in it childless?

Torn on a Baby

A: For the love of 200-pound toddlers, do not curse a child with this parent.

Forget about negative thinking or entitlement -- that's years down the road. Leap only 9-ish months from this hypothetical conception to envision the tense, angry, confusing home to which you sentence your baby for the next 20 years.

I suppose that's a "you made your bed" vote, but, I can't think of one good reason for you to keep lying in it. It's time to buy yourself some counseling sessions, solo, and the best legal help you can find.

Certain times, a hotel is the only solution

Q: My fiance and I are flying cross-country to spend Christmas with my family. Last time we visited, the full-size mattress was too small for my fiance to sleep comfortably with me. I've been bringing this up to my mother in a variety of polite ways, and she has either ignored me or told me to "suck it up."

I've offered to pay for the upgrade to a queen bed myself, but she's still angry about it. How can I get through to her?

Family Bed Woes

A: Hotel. Take your comfort into your own hands.