Thursday, December 14, 2017
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Keeping score on pet peeves will only lead to trouble

Q: Every so often my other half will complain about something I've done. It's nothing consequential. Example: I sometimes put bags on the kitchen counter even though the bottoms of those bags are not necessarily hygienic. While I think it's perfectly valid to communicate one's pet peeves, I can't get myself to do it when I find my other half doing bothersome things. At the same time, I hate feeling like crud when my other half points out a shortcoming and I don't have a comeback.

When I challenge in a generic way that (s)he (I'm keeping this gender neutral on purpose) also does things that bother me, so maybe we could just let this slide, I'm always asked to provide examples. However, because I don't "keep score," I can't. The last thing I want to do is keep tabs because it just seems so petty. But I don't want to be the doormat.

Scorekeeping

A: "While I think it's perfectly valid to communicate one's pet peeves. …" Really? I think it stinks. If you're talking about a one-time warning along the lines of "I have an irrational aversion to seeing unclean things on our kitchen countertops" with a rare, self-deprecating refresher — "Remember my bizarre countertop fixation" — then I do agree with you. But if one of you believes the other owes it to him/her to be ever mindful of his/her expectations, then it stinks. So it's to your credit that you don't have examples at the ready of your partner's nuisance moments. It also positions you well to stick to the more relevant point: "If you're suggesting that you're perfect and never do anything wrong or annoying, then I need to ask you to reconsider."

Comments
Plan your weekend Dec. 15-17: Katy Perry, boat parades, Star Wars parties, comics Gilbert Gottfried, Michael Carbonaro

Plan your weekend Dec. 15-17: Katy Perry, boat parades, Star Wars parties, comics Gilbert Gottfried, Michael Carbonaro

Superstar Katy Perry: In the ever-escalating arms race to be the most eye-popping pop star on the planet, sometimes you have to call in for backup. Even if you’re Katy Perry. When plotting her lavishly spectacular Witness Tour, which arrives i...
Updated: 5 hours ago
Top things to do this week: Star Wars parties, comics Gilbert Gottfried, Michael Carbonaro

Top things to do this week: Star Wars parties, comics Gilbert Gottfried, Michael Carbonaro

NEW HOPE: Star Wars partiesWith the opening of Star Wars: The Last Jedi, the force of fan excitement is strong, so of course there are Star Wars parties this weekend. The giant movie complex Riverview 14 GDX is having celebration with characters from...
Published: 12/13/17
5 things to do under $5: Gasparilla Bowl beach day, Hanukkah on Ice, boat parades

5 things to do under $5: Gasparilla Bowl beach day, Hanukkah on Ice, boat parades

1 Battle at the Beach: The Gasparilla Bowl is coming to Tropicana Field on Dec. 21, but before that the bands, cheerleaders and dance teams from Florida International University and Temple University will have a day of beach-related games and competi...
Published: 12/13/17
6 gift ideas for grandparents and grandchildren to spend more time together

6 gift ideas for grandparents and grandchildren to spend more time together

A grandparent can be a tough person to buy a Christmas gift for. Likewise, many grandparents are stumped on what to get the kids besides some cash. Why not make your Christmas gift something you both want more of: more time together making memories. ...
Published: 12/13/17

Tell Me About It: Leave gender out of division of housework

Leave gender out of division of houseworkWhy is it that when a woman cares about the division of labor at home — like her home being a decent level of clean — she is considered to be overreacting?OK, I’ll get down from my soap box now. (I’ll also bre...
Published: 12/13/17

Tell Me About It: Overwhelmed parent weighs out options

Overwhelmed parent weighs out optionsQ: Since my kids were born, my job basically covered the cost of day care. The kids came home overtired and overstimulated.As they became preschool age, I restructured my work to freelance so I could drop off and ...
Published: 12/12/17

Tell Me About It: Identity of biological father is revealed

Identity of biological father is revealedQ: When I was 18, my mother revealed that the father I grew up with was not my biological father. She claimed she didn’t even know my bio father, and never contacted him again after their brief weekend fling a...
Published: 12/11/17

Tell Me About It: Parents’ extreme sheltering feels creepy

Parents’ extreme sheltering feels creepyQ: My daughter, 11, has three friends from school. One girl’s parents are generous hosts. "Emma" is an only child and has a pool, fun toys, great snacks.The problem is that Emma’s parents don’t let Emma be a gu...
Published: 12/10/17
Top things to do for the week of Dec. 11-17

Top things to do for the week of Dec. 11-17

Katy Perry: The Teenage Dream songstress roars into Tampa’s Amalie Arena on Friday ($45.75-$195.75). amaliearena.com. Hanukkah: The Festival of Lights begins Tuesday, bringing fun celebrations including Hanukkah in the City at the Sundial St. ...
Published: 12/08/17
Updated: 12/12/17
Wild weather expected, 2 boat parades canceled

Wild weather expected, 2 boat parades canceled

Boat parades that were planned tonight in South Pasadena and St. Pete Beach have been canceled because of weather fears.Organizers said they will not be rescheduled. Heavy rain is expected to approach the gulf coast near sunset Friday ahead of a stro...
Published: 12/08/17