Friday, May 25, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Mom's 'ladies first' policy is embarrassing

Q: My mother frequently asks men to defer to her in situations where I feel that her requests are ridiculous. For instance, at the grocery store, if the person in front of her in line is a man, she will always say, "Excuse me, will you please be a gentleman and let me go ahead of you? Ladies first."

I think putting men on the spot simply because of their gender is rude and have told her so, but she brushes me off.

Do you think I should say anything more to her? Or just ignore it?

Ladies First

A: I think your answer lies in doing what you think is right.

Meaning, it is important for you not to benefit personally from something you don't think is right. So, you leave the grocery store when she jumps the line, for example, or take your things to a different line. Calmly, politely say why. "You know how I feel — I won't be part of this."

Don't reopen the discussion, though, about her behavior; you made your point about rudeness and she brushed you off. Any measures you take now are appropriately about distancing yourself from her tactics, versus presuming to try to change her.

Adult-only wedding has some exceptions

Q: For budget purposes, my fiancee and I are having an adult-only wedding. However, because they are close to my fiancee and she can't imagine them not being there, we are inviting two of her nieces, ages 9 and 12, and a 13-year-old cousin. Is this going to blow up in our faces?

Adults Only

A: You have to assume it will.

For purposes of appearances, you might want to give the kids ceremonial roles in the wedding. That can "explain" without explaining why exceptions were made for these kids.

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