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Tell Me About It: More adventures in putting up with in-laws

 
Published April 28, 2017

Q: I wrote in a few weeks ago about my stepmother-in-law, who claps at me when she wants the baby. I'm working on using your advice but wanted to ask a follow-up about some strategies for spending a weekend in a small home with someone you want to (sorry) chuck out a window.

In addition to the clapping, she has so far told the baby, "Don't you look at that mama, she's just for food," and come over and pulled on my 5-year-old, who I was consoling after an injury, saying, "He needs Grandma right now." I just don't know how to last three more days with her.

Any suggestions?

How to Last?

A: Your stepmother-in-law is a sad person who craves love but undermines herself terribly in the way she attempts to seize it.

I realize you are probably beyond sympathy at this point and that's fine, but maybe you can use this frame of reference as a way to realize you don't need even to compete with her, much less win, in a battle for your family's affections.

Win the clap battle, again, by handing her the baby when she asks but never when she claps.

But otherwise manage her mannerisms as a nuisance, not a threat. "Yes, take the baby, the baby's food source would love a hot bath."

Uncashed gift check is worrisome

Q: Over a month ago I went to a friend's wedding and wrote a check for the gift, which has still not been cashed. I'm worried the check got lost or swiped.

Is it appropriate to email and ask to confirm that they got it?

Uncashed

A: It's perfectly polite to ask about a gift that may have been lost, especially something as easy to misplace (or throw away) as a check.