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Tell Me About It: Neighbor breaks silence for invitation

 
Published March 29, 2017

Q: My husband and I were friends with another couple who lives in the neighborhood. Several years ago, the wife stopped speaking to us. I have no idea what prompted her behavior. I tried reaching out, but she never responded. My husband and I are not comfortable with confrontation, so we just let it go.

Our kids are nearly the same age and often play together. My former friend still doesn't speak to my husband or me, unless there are other parents around and then she'll make small talk.

Last week, she emailed to invite our kid to her kid's birthday party. My husband and I don't know what to do. Neither of us wants to go, and our kid is too young to be dropped off. We don't want to skip the party and stay home, as every other kid in the group is probably invited — and our kid will feel excluded. Do we go out of town just to avoid the situation?

Should I Attend?

A: Ever read a situation and wonder how it's possible that people don't see how weird their behavior is?

Total multi-year lockdown on a onetime friend, except to issue an invitation. Okay.

As tempting as it sounds to flee for the weekend, joining this neighbor in her weird alternative universe for one afternoon would serve your kid best.

Why? Because you share a neighborhood. That's everything.

The fact that your kids have kept playing together through this cul de sac cold war is remarkable. It jacks up the weird to another level, but it's remarkable all the same.

It's commendable on the part of Ms. Silent Treatment USA, even — it's only fair to say. Cul-de-war shunnings are extremely painful for the children caught up in them, because they get to watch out their windows as everyone gathers without them.

So don't risk it. Go, play along, hold your kid's place in the crowd.