Advertisement

Tell Me About It: New mom lacks gratitude for delivery help

 
Published July 20, 2015

Q: I know this will go away in a little while — but my sister-in-law had a baby this week (yay!), and three of the people she had asked to assist with the delivery were unavailable. I ended up being drafted into the delivery room at the end of a very long labor. It was amazing, I was totally freaked out and I was happy to assist.

Here's the problem: When she tells the story of the delivery, it's all about endless hours of all of us bothering her. How she was in pain and tired and everyone kept bothering her to ask her how she was doing and offer to help. How dare we!

Any suggested mantras for not making snarky comments the ninth time I hear how awful I was for asking how she was doing?

Delivery Story

Carolyn: A gentle and lighthearted, "I did my best!" seems to me a response with the right pitch and message. Just once should do it, if she's even remotely self-aware.

If she isn't and it doesn't, then, yes, be grateful that birth stories generally stop being told after a month or so, except at random times when people get into swapping war stories. (At which point you can repeat the lighthearted "I did my best!" interjection.)

I'm sorry. File this as a reminder to decline favor requests from ingrates — and hope for everyone's sake she has the sense to recognize for any subsequent births that she lacks the temperament for having friends in the delivery room.

Anonymous: Your sister-in-law is still sorting out her own feelings about the birth, and the crash of post-birth hormones affects a lot of women with baby blues for the first couple of weeks. I imagine she'll be much more grateful — possibly embarrassed even — in a couple of months. Meanwhile, it might be good to give them some space while she's in this vulnerable spot. She might feel like there are too many people around still and not feel able to speak up.

Carolyn: You are very kind.