Q: I am throwing a baby shower for a dear friend. She opted for the traditional, ladies-only shower.
Many guests assume they can bring their children.
I am at a loss how to handle the few rotten apples making me feel bad because I won't cater to their kids. To chastise me publicly for doing so is ludicrous. Is it not rude to assume kids are allowed? How do I handle this rudeness?
A: Yes, it's rude of them to assume, and chastising you publicly is an excellent way for these women to make asses of themselves.
It hurts to be their target, no doubt, but technically you're not obligated — neither to indulge them, nor feel bad for denying them, nor apologize, nor keep them on the guest list.
So don't. "This is a shower for adults only. Thank you for respecting my and the guest of honor's wishes."
Friend's remark rubbed her the wrong way
Q: I am a single woman in my 30s. I'm happy with my life, have a satisfying career, lots of friends, many interests, and am open to relationships should one come my way.
Recently I had a pretty negative dating experience but I am doing okay with it and moving on. As this experience played out, a close friend of mine who is married made several comments about how glad she was to no longer be in my position — dealing with dating — and it rubbed me the wrong way. I think she has good intentions, but it felt patronizing.
I don't envy my friend's life in the least and I guess it bothers me that she seems to want me to, or thinks I should. How I can respond to these comments kindly and thoughtfully without saying, "Thanks, but I don't want what you have"?
A: "Thanks," you say kindly and thoughtfully, "but I don't want what you have, either."