Tuesday, January 23, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Outpouring of support feels overwhelming

Q: Our apartment was flooded out in storms over the weekend, and my husband and I lost most of our stuff (insurance will not cover it). In the days since, we have been overwhelmed with support — dozens of people here helping us sort stuff out, bringing food, offering us places to stay, and on and on. We've also been given thousands of dollars in cash.

I am tremendously grateful but really overwhelmed. If I'm honest, it hurts my pride and makes me feel guilty to accept so much help. How in the world are we ever going to thank people? How do I get over these feelings and just be appreciative that we are so supported, when I know many others are not?

Flooded . . . With Help

A: What wonderful friends you have. I know you have mixed feelings about it all, so use my detachment as a way to see the simple beauty you have before you in their embrace.

You can also use the simple suckiness of life, in its apartment floods and other disasters, as inspiration for your next step in finding a way to feel good about all this:

Your friends will need you, too, someday. Maybe not in the same way, maybe not in cash and shelter, but they'll need you — to listen without judging, to invite them over when they're lonely, to show up for their events, to register in whatever way matters to them that they matter to you. Be on the lookout for these opportunities to give back, and do whatever is in your power not to miss many of them.

On a more practical note, there are two things you can do now, or soon, to make yourself feel better:

1) Record all the gifts somewhere. Cash in particular can be repaid directly, when you're ready and if they'll accept it.

2) When your home is back in working order, invite your helpers over for a thank-you party. Casual, informal, dirt cheap — it can be all of these and still say everything you want to say.

Accepting kindness can itself be a kindness.

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