Saturday, December 16, 2017
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Overseas move may be a good one

Q: I am writing because my husband and I are facing a huge dilemma. He cannot find a job in the United States. He recently got a job offer in Asia and wants us to go. I have conflicting emotions about this, as I do not speak the language and feel it would be very isolating for me. I would be leaving all my family and friends. We have no kids and my husband thinks now is the time to take a risk. Any advice?

C.

A: I'm kicking this to the most badass motivational speaker I've run across:

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

Eleanor Roosevelt, of course.

I am sympathetic to concerns of isolation. Even for a gregarious person, parachuting into a language barrier and a cultural divide while your spouse heads off to work can be daunting. But there are language schools (in which you enroll the moment you okay the move), and expat communities, and Skype, and basic, inner resources that mankind has tapped into in the face of all manner of daunting experiences.

Instead of "risk" or "dilemma," try on "adventure." "Challenge." Then see how you feel about going.

If you do agree to the move, vow to embrace it with your whole heart. In return, request a promise from him to pull the plug — after a X years? — should you develop a misery your efforts can't fix.

Just make sure you choose a long enough period of time for you to reasonably expect some roots to grow, and arrive prepared.

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