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Tell Me About It: School's expectations feel too high for boy

 
Published Feb. 3, 2017

Q: My son turned 5 right before the school year started. He's clever and capable, but really struggling to sit still, pay attention, perform on command, etc. We've been trying all kinds of things to get him to engage and learn the material, but he just doesn't stay interested.

He's fallen so far behind that his teacher thinks he can't catch up and go on to first grade, but also says she doesn't think he qualifies for special-ed assistance. (We're waiting for a medical opinion.)

I don't know what to do. Do we finish up the year, continuing to try to find a way to engage him, or do we just pull him out and let him finish the year back at preschool? If he's going to have to start over anyway, does it matter?

Parenting Paralysis

A: Your son doesn't sit still for "the material" because he's supposed to explore and play and jump around, not jump through academic hoops intended for older children.

You have an excuse — you're just doing what you think you're supposed to and trusting schools to serve their students.

The people running them, on the other hand, are supposed to know better. Most of the educators I've run across do know, in fact, that playing is a 5-year-old's "homework." Many are handcuffed by external standards.

Your options are the same regardless: You can keep those medical appointments, with great caution; you want neither to pathologize a typical child nor deny early intervention to one who needs help.

And you can look for a different, traditional school that encourages play and hands-on learning, or a nontraditional one with a record of success with high-energy kids.

And yes, you can also put him back in preschool. If you browse for it, you'll find ample support for a decision to "redshirt" your son to give him time to mature. It's common now.

Pick a replacement school carefully but soon, and let your kid out of that box.