Wednesday, September 19, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Separation may help wife gain clarity

Q: My husband wants to separate/divorce because of many issues that we have. He feels they are mostly my fault.

I'm not perfect but usually I only react badly if he gets angry at something I didn't even register, or if he insists he knows what I mean when I'm saying something else and trying to explain.

Anyway, I already apologized and took all the blame for the sake of the marriage, but he still wants to separate. I think we have communication issues and have begged for years to go to therapy. He refuses.

How hard do I try? Do I throw myself on the floor at his feet (figuratively), shower him with kindness, even if he doesn't give me the same? Or do I accept what he has decided and move on?

We don't have any children, so it's not that complicated, and also I'm tired of being berated for being "disrespectful." But when he's not angry things are good, I think!

When is it Trying Too Hard?

A: It's common for people to think separateanddivorce, all one thing, but they're two different things. Separate (think), divorce (let go).

Why not agree to the separation — since it seems to be coming anyway, whether you want it or not — and see how you feel after you adjust to it?

Who knows, after a few weeks of breathing air with the anger and criticism filtered out, you might find yourself more enthusiastic about a divorce than he is. You just said he "doesn't give me" kindness. Game over, no?

If your marriage isn't as unhealthy as you made it out to be here, then the solitude, focus and clarity permitted by your separation will help you repair your communication from your two different homes.

Either way, trying to heal is something you fully control, so start taking good care of you. A dynamic where one spouse pushes all blame onto the other is a textbook formula for your abuse. Drop your plea for couple's therapy, please, and start going just for you.

Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

13 Ugly Men Halloween PartyThese "ugly" men sure know how to party with three floors offering new tricks and treats, DJ dancing and a light show making the 10th annual Halloween party a "Party with a Purpose." Benefits Beat NB. 8 p.m. Oct. 26. Yborís...
Published: 09/19/18
Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Spare the gore and take the kids to these family-friendly Halloween parties planned at theme parks and attractions in the coming weeks.Sharon Kennedy Wynne, Times staff writerCreatures of the Night at ZooTampa The weekend nighttime Halloween party at...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Busy couple seeks ways to downsize for the future

Q: Over a decade, my salary has tripled (Iím quite well-paid now), my work hours and responsibilities have increased, and ó because Iím so frequently tired or short on time ó my "outsourcing" has increased, too. Think: frequent takeout, a dog-walker,...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Parents want bully brother to be his best man

Q: Iím getting married. Thatís awesome. However, my parents want me to ask my brother to be my best man. The idea of letting my brother, whoís spent his whole life being the biggest jerk he can manage, stand up and give a speech about me makes me wan...
Published: 09/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom is frustrated by teenís dislike of academics

Q: I have a 15-year-old son who is obviously bright but hates school. My husband and I canít helicopter him to success because (a) we donít want to be helicopter parents, and (b) he has developed ninja-like skills when it comes to evading any attempt...
Published: 09/14/18

Tell Me About It: In search of ways to stop the family over-talker

Q: During extended family get-togethers with my side of the family, there is one person who does 95 percent of the talking. When I ask someone else in the room a question about their lives, this person always jumps in and takes over the conversation ...
Published: 09/13/18
Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens will open Florida’s tallest launch coaster in spring 2019, company officials announced Wednesday. The triple-launch, tiger-themed roller coaster called Tigris will hurl riders 150 feet into the sky, turn them upside down and swirl...
Published: 09/12/18

Tell Me About It:

Mom-to-be decides who will join her in deliveryQ: I am six months pregnant with my first child. Iíve been fixated a bit on who to have in the delivery room with me, I think because itís one of the few elements I can control in this pregnancy. Should ...
Published: 09/12/18
Tampa’s first KittyCon is coming, and cat lovers are purring

Tampa’s first KittyCon is coming, and cat lovers are purring

Kitten Lady and the owners of Cole & Marmalade will be at KittyCon.
Published: 09/11/18

Published: 09/11/18