Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: She feels guilty for concealing pregnancy

Q: At what point is it okay to forgive yourself for hiding a pregnancy from beloved family?

It is early on, and with the threat of miscarriage, my husband and I have decided to keep this news to ourselves. However, I can't help but feel sneaky as I conceal this from family members by tossing glasses of wine in the bathroom. I'm worried there may be hard feelings when we are ready to share.


A: Superficial answer: You can forgive yourself immediately and for good. This is your and your husband's news alone and you don't need to tell anyone anything till you're ready.

Next-layer-down answer: What's with the drama? For one, that's a rigid news embargo. I get the impulse to wait out the first trimester, since no one wants to go around issuing painful updates in the event of a miscarriage. But telling a few people is not unusual — the ones you'd lean on if you were to miscarry.

Also dramatic is the use of active deception, as is the jump from these otherwise-victimless fake-outs to . . . not forgiving yourself?

Maybe you're just hormonal. Or maybe your family tends to drama, i.e., "hard feelings" vs. just sharing your joy.

Regardless: Please consider, in situations like this where your emotions are roiling, a reliance on the logic of simplicity: Given the various risks, is withholding your news easier than sharing it? And if so, is your method for withholding the news the easiest one, or are there milder options for remaining discreet?

Especially with a baby coming, I urge a realignment of your thinking toward maximized calm.

Starting here: If your family does wig out at your delayed notification, then that is so not your problem. They have no entitlement to be told till you're ready.

If you feel you always have to yell "Look over there!" just to buy yourself some privacy, then I suggest taking a closer look at the emotional boundaries (or lack thereof) learned in your childhood home.


Tell Me About It: Bean-counting brother needs a lesson in kindness

Q: My sister owns a few apartment buildings and my mother lives there rent-free. My mother plans to give my sister slightly more in her will. Our brother is angry about this, he wants my sister to just charge our mother rent. My sister thinks our mom...
Published: 09/21/18
Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

13 Ugly Men Halloween PartyThese "ugly" men sure know how to party with three floors offering new tricks and treats, DJ dancing and a light show making the 10th annual Halloween party a "Party with a Purpose." Benefits Beat NB. 8 p.m. Oct. 26. Yborís...
Published: 09/19/18

Tell Me About It: Frequently displaced wife has had enough moves

Q: I have been married to my second husband for 24 years. We have a 16-year-old and I have two adult children.I have moved seven times in 17 years for his job. He didnít have to quit and take another job, but they were opportunities for him to climb ...
Published: 09/19/18
Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Spare the gore and take the kids to these family-friendly Halloween parties planned at theme parks and attractions in the coming weeks. Creatures of the Night at ZooTampa The weekend nighttime Halloween party at ZooTampa at Lowry Park returns with...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Busy couple seeks ways to downsize for the future

Q: Over a decade, my salary has tripled (Iím quite well-paid now), my work hours and responsibilities have increased, and ó because Iím so frequently tired or short on time ó my "outsourcing" has increased, too. Think: frequent takeout, a dog-walker,...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Parents want bully brother to be his best man

Q: Iím getting married. Thatís awesome. However, my parents want me to ask my brother to be my best man. The idea of letting my brother, whoís spent his whole life being the biggest jerk he can manage, stand up and give a speech about me makes me wan...
Published: 09/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom is frustrated by teenís dislike of academics

Q: I have a 15-year-old son who is obviously bright but hates school. My husband and I canít helicopter him to success because (a) we donít want to be helicopter parents, and (b) he has developed ninja-like skills when it comes to evading any attempt...
Updated one month ago

Tell Me About It: In search of ways to stop the family over-talker

Q: During extended family get-togethers with my side of the family, there is one person who does 95 percent of the talking. When I ask someone else in the room a question about their lives, this person always jumps in and takes over the conversation ...
Updated one month ago
Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens will open Florida’s tallest launch coaster in spring 2019, company officials announced Wednesday. The triple-launch, tiger-themed roller coaster called Tigris will hurl riders 150 feet into the sky, turn them upside down and swirl...
Published: 09/12/18

Tell Me About It:

Mom-to-be decides who will join her in deliveryQ: I am six months pregnant with my first child. Iíve been fixated a bit on who to have in the delivery room with me, I think because itís one of the few elements I can control in this pregnancy. Should ...
Updated one month ago