Q: I do not smoke nor does my husband. His family smokes. His grandma holds Christmas Eve at her house and his whole family gathers there.
I am now pregnant with our second child and our first is 8 months old. Last year for Christmas Eve, his mom said they would just smoke outside because I was pregnant and did not want to be around it. Well, his grandma grabs a cigarette and lights up right next to me and turns the fan on. His mom gave her a dirty look and asked her to go upstairs or outside and she said, "I'm not leaving my house to smoke!"
I don't expect them to cater to me. This Christmas Eve his mom is excited to share it with her only grandson, but I refuse to go over to Great Grandma's house and be around a cloudy haze. How should I tell them we will not be going to Great Grandma's this Christmas Eve? Please help!
K.
A: "We will not be going to Great Grandma's this Christmas Eve." Ta da. And: "We're starting our own tradition — you're of course all welcome at our house."
Forget being entitled to a smoke-free environment — though you are when that's what you've been promised — you're entitled to decide how to spend your time. Even on holidays, even when the Smokin' In-Laws have a tradition.
Great Grandma herself was a child once, a young adult, a new parent, and presumably a guest for much of it at some other ancestor's ashtray home for holidays. Then came a time when she planted her flag and started hosting her own Christmas Eve.
You get to do this, too; call it the Wreath of Life. You decide what's meaningful and doable for your family and plant your own flag. Maybe you envisioned that transition for a distant someday, but finding new clarity in a defiant smoker's cloud is nothing to apologize for.