Friday, April 20, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: She's torn between husband, other man she loves

other man she loves

Q: I have two loves — how do I forget one? Before last Thursday, I was happily married with no intentions of ever leaving or straying. Then I went camping with some friends (but not my husband), and a night of deep conversation with a close friend led to three nights of intimacy, but not intercourse. I have loved this man for 10 years but kept up a wall because I never thought he'd feel the same way. He is also averse to relationships, so I stayed with my sure thing — my now-husband.

Since we've taken this leap, I can't stop thinking about what might have been. The friend and I have agreed that I should not leave my husband, but I fear this man is the love of my life and that I can never be truly honest with my husband again. How do I reconcile my fears with what must be my future?

Q.

A: This man is no "friend." He is someone who enjoyed your affection with no regard for your husband or for what it would cost you, and with no intention of making more than a weekend of it.

What you say to your husband, if anything, is a question that you need to put aside until the feelings churned up by your weekend have settled a bit. How you look at your marriage, though, is something you can start taking on now:

To include this other guy in any way in your choices about your marriage is an insult to your husband. The only thing this other man gets to decide is whether he's interested in you and what he wants to do about that. Whether you stay in your marriage or leave it is about no one but you and your husband, and up to no one but you two.

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