Monday, September 24, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: She's wary of her boyfriend's generosity

Q: I am in a great relationship with the man of my dreams. We have plans to live together, and we each make a comfortable living.

The problem is his family. None of them is very financially stable, and all of them depend on his help. I love that he is so generous but am bothered that they take advantage of him.

If we are going to be sharing our lives and our finances I want to suggest that he set limits with them but am unsure how.


A: You basically just said you want to jump in and tell him how to deal with his family, and that's not a great way to start off this next phase of your relationship.

For one thing, you do not, do not want to move in with him unless and until this is resolved in a way you both can embrace fully. Not tolerate, not bear — embrace.

You need to understand why his family is this way. Why is Man o' Dreams okay with this; what is his limit when it comes to sacrificing his (or your) comfort for theirs; when would he be willing to revisit this arrangement; who would be a higher priority to him than these family members, if there ever came a time when he couldn't support everyone?

Would he ever help you out, as live-in partner? Would he only help in the context of marriage?

If he ever has a child, will the child come first?

So get right at this: Say you're struggling to understand the arrangement with his family. Ask him to explain more thoroughly. If you expect both of you to have some say in how the other deals with family, then you need to get that out there now.

Then you need to take whatever he says and give it time to prove true. People may want to behave a certain way around family, but nothing's real until it survives the reality test. In this case, the test of the likely pushback from his family if he reduces their cash flow.

Again, don't sign any leases till you're both fully in agreement on how to handle this, now and in various possible futures.


Tell Me About It: Bean-counting brother needs a lesson in kindness

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Published: 09/21/18
Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

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Published: 09/19/18

Tell Me About It: Frequently displaced wife has had enough moves

Q: I have been married to my second husband for 24 years. We have a 16-year-old and I have two adult children.I have moved seven times in 17 years for his job. He didnít have to quit and take another job, but they were opportunities for him to climb ...
Published: 09/19/18
Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

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Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Busy couple seeks ways to downsize for the future

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Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Parents want bully brother to be his best man

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Published: 09/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom is frustrated by teenís dislike of academics

Q: I have a 15-year-old son who is obviously bright but hates school. My husband and I canít helicopter him to success because (a) we donít want to be helicopter parents, and (b) he has developed ninja-like skills when it comes to evading any attempt...
Updated one month ago

Tell Me About It: In search of ways to stop the family over-talker

Q: During extended family get-togethers with my side of the family, there is one person who does 95 percent of the talking. When I ask someone else in the room a question about their lives, this person always jumps in and takes over the conversation ...
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Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens will open Florida’s tallest launch coaster in spring 2019, company officials announced Wednesday. The triple-launch, tiger-themed roller coaster called Tigris will hurl riders 150 feet into the sky, turn them upside down and swirl...
Published: 09/12/18

Tell Me About It:

Mom-to-be decides who will join her in deliveryQ: I am six months pregnant with my first child. Iíve been fixated a bit on who to have in the delivery room with me, I think because itís one of the few elements I can control in this pregnancy. Should ...
Updated one month ago