Monday, June 18, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Sister-in-law's pregnancy disclosure is her decision

and when sister-in-law shares pregnancy not your call

Q: My brother's wife is pregnant and very difficult. First, she took weeks to even tell me that I was going to be an aunt. Then, she asked me not to tell anyone, including my own sons, until she was further along. It took a few more weeks until she would "let" my sons know, and then she told them herself! When I wanted to take a picture of how she told them, "in a special way," she asked me not to put it on Facebook.

What do I say to her to let her know how rude and selfish she's being? My boys are excited to be big cousins and I want my friends and family to know about their being cousins.

Excluded Family

A: Whose body is this? Whose fetus is this? Whose news is this? Whose decision is this on how, when and with whom the news will be shared?

Whose job would it be to retract the good news far and wide if she miscarried after she "let" the news spread unchecked?

I can't say I'm a fan of the highly controlled news release, but that preference applies to no one but me, and to no one's news but mine; your sister-in-law's comfort zone is what governs the release of her news. So, to identify the person who's being "very difficult" (and self-centered, and, if you're pressuring her or complaining to others in the family circle, rude), you need a mirror. Your sister-in-law is not having a baby just to entertain your children or provide you with the perfect social media moment. Your place in this life event is squarely on the sidelines.

Know that place, and stay in it, unless and until you're invited to step in closer. As it happens, showing such respect, restraint and good sportsmanship will multiply your opportunities to take joyous part; conversely, ignoring boundaries will secure you a well-deserved spot on the bench.

Comments

Tell Me About It: Regretting staying too long in bad romance

Q: I recently broke up with someone after two years. Even though there were things that bothered me while we were together, I would convince myself I was overreacting, he didnít really mean it, etc.Now that itís over, I feel like a fool for not havin...
Published: 06/18/18

Tell Me About It: After years of depression, a diagnosis

Q: Iím 33 and have dealt with depression on and off since my adolescence. I grew up in a household with every kind of abuse you can think of, but I didnít start seeking help until my early 20s via talk therapy, and cut ties entirely with my abusers. ...
Published: 06/17/18
Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of June 18-24

Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of June 18-24

St. Pete Pride: One of the largest Pride celebration in the Southeast happens this weekend, bringing a rainbow of activities. Things set off on Friday with the free SP2 Concert at North Straub Park, hosted by Coco Montrese of RuPaul’s Drag Race...
Published: 06/15/18
Updated: 06/18/18

Tell Me About It: Pregnancy news confirms estrangement

Q: I just found out my son and his wife are going to be parents. Iím very excited and somewhat confused and a little hurt: Sheís seven months along. I donít know why the long wait to tell me. They live in another state, and I havenít seen them in abo...
Published: 06/15/18

Tell Me About It: Sister must face her poor choices in men

Q: Last night, I received my umpteenth call from my sobbing, devastated sister (mid-20s) over yet another semi-hookup-flirty-thing guy that didnít work out. He is moving away and she found out via an announcement at work, not from him.This is a years...
Published: 06/15/18
High-tech nighttime lagoon show coming to Universal Orlando this summer

High-tech nighttime lagoon show coming to Universal Orlando this summer

A gliding, wraith-like figure of a Dementor from the Harry Potter films enters Central Park, and the exteriors of the surrounding buildings immediately are covered in a layer of ice, a sign of their power to drain happiness out of the air around them...
Published: 06/14/18
Things to do this weekend: Fatherís Day, Maroon 5, The Illusionists, Mr. Rogers film, fireworks at Busch Gardens

Things to do this weekend: Fatherís Day, Maroon 5, The Illusionists, Mr. Rogers film, fireworks at Busch Gardens

HolidayFatherís Day: Sunday brings us a day to honor the guy who cheered us on, called us down and blamed us for his bald spot. Itís Fatherís Day! A number of local attractions are offering free admission for dads if at least one ungrateful progeny t...
Published: 06/14/18

Tell Me About It: Group resists suggestion of sober vacation

Q: I have a friend I have known since high school who has recently been in recovery for drinking. He is about six weeks into an outpatient system and has been doing well. A group of friends including my friend in recovery have been going on two campi...
Published: 06/14/18
Top things to do this week: Fatherís Day freebies, Summer Circus Spectacular, Gelatin Plunge

Top things to do this week: Fatherís Day freebies, Summer Circus Spectacular, Gelatin Plunge

NOTE: This item has been updated to reflect the correct start time of 7 p.m.SQUISHY: Gelatin PlungeRaise money for a cancer charity and you, too, could plummet down a slide into more than 2,000 gallons of orange gelatin before a party with live music...
Published: 06/13/18
Updated: 06/15/18
ĎIncredibles 2í just might be better than the original ó and a cure to superhero fatigue

ĎIncredibles 2í just might be better than the original ó and a cure to superhero fatigue

Itís been 14 years since the premiere of Brad Birdís beloved animated superhero film The Incredibles, one of the mega-hit Pixar films that cemented its reputation for film humor and heart that would satisfy both parents and children. With cool mid-ce...
Published: 06/13/18