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Tell Me About It: Son's humming not always music to the ear

 
Published Nov. 27, 2015

Q: My son sings. Or hums. There's usually a song in his head, often from a video game or movie, and he graces us all with his current earworm. It's sweet, because he does it when he's happy, but oh my god it's super-annoying. We sometimes tell him to "regulate the volume," but we can't quite bring ourselves to yell "for the love of all that is holy please stop stop stop stop staaaaahppp!" Because then we'll be parents who just scolded their son for singing.

Can we gently suggest that not everyone finds his musicality charming? He does it absent-mindedly, and if we tell him to turn down the volume he's always very apologetic about it. And honestly, we're inconsistent about it. Often we don't notice. When we find it annoying, it's usually because we're tired or frustrated or some other not-really-about-the-humming reason.

Parent

A: I'm with you on the nuisance of it, but also the charm of it, and I'm also backing the three-part answer you wrote for yourself without fully realizing it:

(1) Often you don't notice. That's great, because that gives him, presumably, plenty of time to be his happy musical self. Granting kids time and space not to be self-conscious is such a gift.

(2) But, of course, even beloved people can be incredibly annoying sometimes, and that's something every kid should be taught, kindly and from a young age: that not everything they do will be charming to everyone at any given time.

(3) Since you can't explain anything rationally when you're annoyed, wait till you're not annoyed. Then say, "It's sweet when you hum or sing to yourself, because you do it when you're happy. Most of the time, I either appreciate it or don't even notice it.

"Sometimes, though, especially when I'm crabby about something else, I'd prefer quiet. I'm just telling you this now because in the moment I feel like a monster for shutting down your happy sounds, but it's really just that sometimes I need to hit the off switch on everything. Make sense?"