Sunday, July 15, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Spouse pushes the boundaries of trust

Q: My husband and I are apparently at very different points as to the shape opposite-gender friendships take. He is an avid, hardcore hiker. He met a woman (also married) on a hiking forum and wants to take a weeklong hiking trip with her to an extremely isolated location.

He says since there's nothing there between them, it's fine to take a trip like this. I feel uncomfortable and think it's weird to take an extended, super-isolated trip with an opposite-gender friend. I've never met this woman and likely never will, as she lives across the country. So this isn't a pal who I know and knows me. Thoughts?

Drawing Lines

A: Make sure it's not the Appalachian Trail.

What would bother me most is that my husband put me in this position to begin with. Maybe it's all the most innocent progression ever, from the moment they laid pixels on each other. But he's asking for such an outsize degree of trust that in a way you can't win. You say no and you're possessive, jealous and distrustful. You say yes and you're a rube.

If I presented it to him that way and he didn't see my point, then I'd start thinking hard about what we owe each other in the form of comfort vs. trust. Should trust be absolute? Or can logic come to bear — in this case, on his assertion that "there's nothing there between them"? They don't know that yet because they don't know each other yet. Not in person. And you haven't seen them together yourself, obviously, which is the way people figure out whether they feel comfortable or threatened. He's flying blind, and pushing you to board. No fair.

Backup Plan: It should be with someone he knows he can depend on and has his back. What if he realizes she's a flake an hour after meeting her?

Carolyn: Different but excellent point, thanks.

Comments
Rascal Flatts talks longevity, the road, and picking the perfect opener

Rascal Flatts talks longevity, the road, and picking the perfect opener

There was a time, believe it or not, when Rascal Flatts was considered cutting-edge country. Okay, "cutting-edge" might be pushing it ó the trioís wholesome, harmony-laden style was never all that controversial. Still, when you survey the pop- and R&...
Published: 07/13/18
8 things to do this weekend: Sam Smith, SharkCon, Extreme Mud Wars, deal at Chihuly

8 things to do this weekend: Sam Smith, SharkCon, Extreme Mud Wars, deal at Chihuly

Concert Sam Smith and Cam: On Friday, Sam Smith (Stay With Me) is coming to Tampa with opening act Cam, whose latest country single Diane is one of Nashville’s most rollicking of the past year. Smith is the headliner but both acts are worth ca...
Published: 07/13/18

Tell Me About It: Decision to adopt must be her own

Q: Iím a 45-year-old single woman who is financially secure and a self-described introvert. I am happy being single, have a decent job, own a home, and have created a good life for myself. I badly want to adopt or foster a child on my own and I have ...
Published: 07/12/18
Top things to do this week: SharkCon with Richard Dreyfuss, Mud Wars

Top things to do this week: SharkCon with Richard Dreyfuss, Mud Wars

SHARKCON: Richard Dreyfuss and Sharknado starsIn its fifth year, SharkCon has expanded from a weekend all about sharks with a touch tank, ocean bounce house and science talks, adding a comic con element with celebrity appearances by Richard Dreyfuss,...
Published: 07/11/18
5 things to do under $5 this week: Chihuly glass art, Eichmann exhibit, Back to School Bash

5 things to do under $5 this week: Chihuly glass art, Eichmann exhibit, Back to School Bash

1 Chihuly Anniversary Weekend: To celebrate its eighth anniversary, admission is $5 at the Chihuly Collection of glass art from famed artist Dale Chihuly. In addition to the permanent collection of glass art, a special exhibition is on display. "Stor...
Published: 07/11/18

Tell Me About It: Tensions mount between adult sisters

Our daughter "Annie" has moved back home at age 33 to save some money while doing postdoc work and teaching college courses. She contributes to household expenses. Our daughter "Bonnie" has moved back home at 29 after a sudden breakup, bringing our 1...
Published: 07/11/18

Tell Me About It:

Introvert wonders if it has gone too farQ: Does there reach a point on the introversion scale where youíve gone too far? I work from home and rarely see other people besides my wife. Iím finding more and more that I like it that way and donít really ...
Published: 07/10/18

Tell Me About It: Mom suspects boyfriend controls daughter

Q: My daughter and her boyfriend moved into my house a few months ago because they were having financial difficulties and I wanted her to be able to finish her degree, which she did in May. I started noticing how little she wanted to communicate with...
Published: 07/10/18

Tell Me About It: Knowing how to respond to overreactions

Q: My boyfriend and I are both avid readers. He decided to read a new book, which I have already read. When he pulled out his book, I said, "That book is wild! I think you are going to like it."He got upset that I ruined his chance at having an unadu...
Published: 07/10/18

Tell Me About It: Sheís worried sheíll resent retired husband

Q: My husband is hardworking and also a caring and loving husband. Our relationship is absolutely wonderful. However, there is something I fear may soon destroy all this happiness. He is going to retire in a couple of years, several years before me. ...
Published: 07/09/18