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2169716 2038-01-18 05:00:00.0 UTC 2038-01-18T00:00:00.000-05:00 2014-03-13 00:15:31.0 UTC 2014-03-12T20:15:31.000-04:00 tell-me-about-it-therapy-could-be-best-way-to-rewire-responses published 2014-03-11 22:55:28.0 UTC 2014-03-11T18:55:28.000-04:00 features/relationships DTI 118050600 Q: All my life, my mom ridiculed or belittled my feelings, especially anything negative. She told me I was overreacting, too sensitive or just ridiculous. I've never been able to shake the feeling that what I'm feeling is wrong. Now when I disagree with someone, my first instinct is to tell myself I'm being ridiculous. This has led to many confrontations that should have happened but never did, not standing up for myself, or just not voicing my opinion when I should have. All I ever do is second-guess myself, and I end up losing the opportune moment to communicate. Last night, I told my neighbor at 3 a.m. that he needed to quiet his dog, which had been barking for an hour. I couldn't sleep the rest of the night. I was panicking over the fact that I had told someone I was displeased, even though I know I was totally in the right. How do I stop feeling this way about my own feelings? Not Knowing When to React A: That's what therapy is for, really — the long process of teasing apart emotional knots. Cognitive behavioral therapy in particular, I think, could help you rewire your responses; something so ingrained isn't going to just go away. Ask your doctor for a referral or check to see if your employer offers an Employee Assistance Program. If you're uninsured, call the Helpline at the National Alliance on Mental Illness, toll-free 1-800-950-6264, to ask about local support groups and clinics. Also, you don't always have to stand up for yourself in the "opportune moment." Often it's possible, and quite effective, to revisit a situation later. By Carolyn Hax, Washington Post Features, Relationships Tell Me About It: Therapy could be best way to rewire responses F Baylink AP DATASTREAM TEST 1 Washington Post Writers Group Bl_hax031314 2014-03-13 04:00:00.0 UTC 2014-03-13T00:00:00.000-04:00 false templatedata/tampabaytimes/StaffArticle/data/2014/03/12/118050600-tell-me-about-it-therapy-could-be-best-way-to-rewire-responses StaffArticle features,relationshipsRelationshipsQ: All my life, my mom ridiculed or belittled my feelings, especially anything negative. She told me I was overreacting, too sensitive or just ridiculous.Features, RelationshipsFeatures, Relationships<span style="display:none;" class="author vcard"><span class="fn">CAROLYN HAX</span></span><span style="display:none;" class="source-org vcard"><span class="org fn">Washington Post Writers Group</span></span><a rel="item-license" href="http://www.ap.org/company/Terms-conditions" id="license-2169716">Copyright: For copyright information, please check with the distributor of this item, Washington Post Writers Group.</a>Washington Post Writers Group 2280772 2016-06-14 00:00:00.0 UTC 2 Months Ago tell-me-about-it-avoidance-is-only-response-to-moms-snark features/relationships Tell Me About It: Avoidance is only response to mom's snark StaffArticle 2278737 2016-06-01 00:00:00.0 UTC 3 Months Ago tell-me-about-it-best-friend-whos-an-ex-is-nothing-to-hide features/relationships Tell Me About It: Best friend who's an ex is nothing to hide StaffArticle 2265556 2016-02-23 01:00:00.0 UTC 6 Months Ago tell-me-about-it-revealing-secret-could-sacrifice-stability features/relationships Tell Me About It: Revealing secret could sacrifice stability StaffArticle <p> </p> <p><b>Q: </b>All my life, my mom ridiculed or belittled my feelings, especially anything negative. She told me I was overreacting, too sensitive or just ridiculous.</p> <p>I've never been able to shake the feeling that what I'm feeling is wrong. Now when I disagree with someone, my first instinct is to tell myself I'm being ridiculous. This has led to many confrontations that should have happened but never did, not standing up for myself, or just not voicing my opinion when I should have. All I ever do is second-guess myself, and I end up losing the opportune moment to communicate.</p> <p>Last night, I told my neighbor at 3 a.m. that he needed to quiet his dog, which had been barking for an hour. I couldn't sleep the rest of the night. I was panicking over the fact that I had told someone I was displeased, even though I know I was totally in the right. How do I stop feeling this way about my own feelings?</p> <p>Not Knowing When to React</p> <p><b>A: </b>That's what therapy is for, really — the long process of teasing apart emotional knots. Cognitive behavioral therapy in particular, I think, could help you rewire your responses; something so ingrained isn't going to just go away.</p> <p>Ask your doctor for a referral or check to see if your employer offers an Employee Assistance Program. If you're uninsured, call the Helpline at the National Alliance on Mental Illness, toll-free 1-800-950-6264, to ask about local support groups and clinics. Also, you don't always have to stand up for yourself in the &quot;opportune moment.&quot; Often it's possible, and quite effective, to revisit a situation later.</p>trueruntime2016-08-30 05:43:11