Sunday, April 22, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Time, and solo counseling visits, will tell if marriage survives

Q: Husband and I (married five years, young child) have had some issues and have been seeing a marriage counselor off and on over the past six months. The sessions are going well.

However, there's a pretty major thing I've been leaving out: I feel like I've fallen out of love with my husband and have felt this way for about a year now. So we may be getting along better, but I don't know that I want to (or should) stay married to him when I feel so . . . indifferent toward him. So, do I bring this up in counseling? How?

How Honest to Be?

Carolyn: With the counselor in a solo session. Don't just assume it can't be fixed without teasing out the difference(s) between now and five years ago. Good luck.

Anonymous: That is pretty normal. I look at love like the tides. It ebbs and flows with highs and lows. I've been married 23 years. Some days I ask myself, "Why did I get married?," and then my spouse does something or we do something together and I tell myself, "Yes, that is why I married him."

Carolyn: I agree this is common and therefore a strong possibility, one worth holding on to as a point of reference, even a goal. Because it could be other things, and because even if it's just a tidal thing that can be heavy to leave unspoken, I still think solo counseling is a good idea. Some have pointed out that couples counselors often won't see one party solo, in which case I think it's worth pursuing the solo part with a different therapist.

Either way, patience is important — to recall what brought them together, to dig into what has changed, then to see whether there's a foundation to build on anew. The alternative is too heartbreaking to be anything but a last resort.

Comments
Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of April 23-29

Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of April 23-29

St. Anthony’s Triathlon: World class athletes and Olympians race around St. Petersburg’s Vinoy Park on Sunday ($160-$180), while kids and novices race Saturday in the Meek and Mighty. A free kick-off celebration Friday has a concert by country artist...
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Tell Me About It: Family reconsiders taking group trips

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Published: 04/19/18
Huge concert week in Tampa: Foo Fighters, Kenny Chesney, 98 Rockfest, more

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The newest trend for Tampa date nights? Indoor ax throwing

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5 things to do under $5: Taste of Science talks, free ‘Field of Dreams’ screening

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