Sunday, November 19, 2017
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Understand long-distance love from view of future in-laws

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Q: My boyfriend's parents are against our relationship. My boyfriend (31) and I (26) have been on and off for three years, but have remained best friends since we met. He is from England, and they have a problem with the idea of him settling in the Midwest.

Also, he hasn't had the best history with women; they usually walk all over him. I don't think they will ever be okay with any woman he chooses.

A while back, I wrote a letter to his mother, mostly to break the ice, but she didn't even respond.

We are moving in together in a couple of weeks and plan to marry sometime soon after. I want to start a family with this man. We are head-over-heels in love and have been fighting it for some time now because of them. I can't walk away (we've tried), but it's very difficult for me to imagine my children's grandparents hating me. What do we do?

A: Understand. Appreciate their position. Then, be patient. Now that you're moving in and planning to marry, that starts the clock on their absolutely having to deal with it. Give them a chance to.

Adopt the mantra, "They don't hate me, they hate the distance" — and dedicate yourself to not being the wedge between them. Their relationship is for them to work out, but you can help that cause (as well as your own and any future children's) by making a long-term commitment to patience and understanding. And travel: Be the woman who encourages their son to stay close to them, versus the woman who took him away.

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