Advertisement

Tell Me About It: Ungrateful son badgers hospitable parents

 
Published July 21, 2017

Q: My husband and I find ourselves hosting our children and grandchildren at every holiday and family get-together. This includes providing a guest room for our son and his family, as well as my brother, all of whom live out of state.

Recently we only had room for one guest, my brother, since our other guest room was occupied. We asked my son and his family to find another place to stay. They chose to attend the dinner and return home on the same day.

Two weeks later, my son called and complained that they had been treated unfairly. He maintained that they could have crashed on a sofa or somewhere else. He went on at length with these complaints, which in the end brought me to tears.

I am of the mind to let it go until it happens again, and then call my son on his ungrateful behavior. My husband wants to call him and have it out. Your thoughts?

Exhausted Granny

A: Your son is acting like a total ingrate. I'm sorry.

It sounds like it's time to limit your hosting for your own health and well-being. Decide what you're willing to do (one guest/family at a time, alternating? retiring the guest rooms completely? delegating specific chores?), then let your kids know of your new plans.

Don't apologize for it, don't back down, just say this is what you feel is necessary and you plan to apply it across the board.

As for your son, I do think it's appropriate for your husband to follow up calmly. He can start by offering your son a chance to reconsider his words on this subject.

And he can ask what's really bothering him, since not being offered a couch is not something that seems worthy of haranguing one's mother to the point of tears two weeks after the fact.

If he doesn't back down, then your husband can point out — calmly! — that expecting accommodations beyond what his hosts felt able to provide is not something you raised him to do.