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Tell Me About It: Visit to see sister, newborn may be eye opener

 
Published Sept. 22, 2014

Visiting sister with newborn may bring lesson in family planning

Q: I'm planning to visit my sister, who just gave birth to her first child and is recovering from postpartum depression. I have also agreed with my husband to stop using birth control soon.

I'm looking forward to meeting my nephew, but I can tell from our conversations that my sister's life is anything but glamorous right now. It might sound silly, but I'm afraid the visit is going to spook me, enough to want to renege on my promise to try for a baby. I don't want that for my husband or me. How do I approach this visit so it doesn't make me run screaming in the opposite direction?

Babyville

Carolyn: "Suck it up" makes a fine mantra, both now and if you're ever in your sister's place. Your sister could use the support, no doubt, so go solely with that in mind. And if a real newborn puts you off babies, then I see that as a good thing. Nothing puts realism in family planning like immersing oneself in infant neediness, adult fatigue and home disarray. Have fun!

Anonymous: My mom was eight months pregnant when she went to visit her sister, who had children ages 5, 2 and 6 months. My mom claims she sobbed the entire car ride home because she couldn't undo her pregnancy. But she says now that becoming a mother was the most important thing she ever did. This, coming from someone with a great career and a full life who never defined herself primarily (in my mind) as "mom." Anyway, I think it's normal to witness the chaos of early childhood and feel overwhelmed. From what I understand, it's different when they're yours.

Carolyn: Thanks. It is, but the difference is in the will you summon to stick with it.