Sunday, December 17, 2017
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Wallowing for a while over ex's impending wedding is okay

Q: Feeling super lousy because my ex, the one I adored so much that I waited around for two years AFTER he said he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to get married, is marrying someone else this weekend (thanks, Facebook!). I know the best plan is to distract myself, but any distraction would feel like a poor consolation prize right now. Is it okay to wallow a little bit? Is there a form of wallowing that's actually productive? I'm seeing someone, but I'm afraid spending the weekend with him might remind me we're nowhere near where I was with the ex (who's now in that same place with someone else).

Ex

Carolyn: Yes, wallow, and watch When Harry Met Sally . . ., which has a satisfying take on the he-balked-at-marrying-and-now-he's-marrying-someone-else phenomenon.

And — you don't want to be "anywhere near where I was with the ex," because it didn't take you anywhere good.

Hang in there. He wasn't the guy.

I'm partial to Haagen Dazs vanilla Swiss almond.

Anonymous: I had a bottle of red wine and half-pound of chocolate truffles for dinner while watching "Project Runway," but to each his own.

Sometimes wallowing is productive. It's taking the time you need to handle something painful. If you think you have a tendency to go overboard, set a time limit. ("I'm going to wallow tonight, but tomorrow I will go to the gym no matter how bad I feel . . . " or whatever you do.)

Carolyn: Well argued, thanks. And nothing beats a good argument for a half-pound of truffles.

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