Thursday, January 18, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Wedding invite to estranged mom is risky

Q: My mom is a bipolar narcissist. She is estranged from me, my sister and my dad, her ex-husband.

Unlike my dad and sister, I never foreclosed on the possibility of reconnecting.

I just proposed to my boyfriend. There is no wedding date set yet, but I want to consider having my mom there. It will be thorny, to say the least. But my gut tells me that I would feel a tremendous loss without her presence.

I am on the fence about inviting her, as it would also mean re-establishing contact. I cannot decide how to proceed. What are your thoughts?

Never Foreclosed

A: Since "it would also mean re-establishing contact," why peg it to your wedding day? Why don't you re-establish contact for the sake of it, and then make up your mind? Or, probably closer to the truth, let her make up your mind.

Honor ex-boyfriend's wish for no contact

Q: My boyfriend and I broke up this week. He wanted to move in and get married and I'm not quite there yet, so we came to a mutual agreement that parting ways was the right decision.

I'd still be up for being the best friends we were before we started dating. He wanted no contact because he said talking, emailing or texting, even at a reduced level, would be too painful. Of course, I agreed to his wishes.

Is there ever a point where I can check in with him to see what he's up to? I'm genuinely curious about how life is going for him.I would only do it some pre-determined time from now (six months?), but I don't know if it's a good idea at all.

Contacting the Ex?

A: I think you have to leave him alone unless and until you change your mind about marrying him. Being "genuinely curious" is not enough — especially since it's about you, not him.

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