Tuesday, February 20, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Wife is creeped out by husband's friend

Q: My best friend "Tara" dated a guy "Pat" for about six months after she had ended a seven-year relationship. Pat fell hard for her, but when he began discussing moving in together and next steps, Tara realized that she didn't feel the same way and knew it was better to end it earlier than lead him on.

We are all in our late 20s. It's been about two months since they broke up and Pat is having a really hard time — he texts her incessantly with things like, "You were the love of my life and now I feel empty."

The problem is that my husband, "Eric," and Pat really hit it off in those six months and Eric was really sad he was going to lose a potential great friend when they broke up. Eric moved to my hometown and doesn't have his own social circle here.

At first I thought it would be great if Eric and Pat still got together, and Tara had said it was fine. But now I am so weirded out by Pat's inability to move on that I don't want him in my life whatsoever.

Still, at what point does this go on for me to say, "Eric, I feel uncomfortable with you keeping Pat in your life?" Ideally I want my husband to cut him out without me saying anything, but I think he feels sorry for Pat and doesn't view anything as threatening.

Caught Between Friend and Her Ex

A: Talk to your husband like the partner he is. Say you're creeped out by the way Pat is texting your friend, and you think he's crossing a line. Ask Eric what he thinks.

Figure out, together, whether Eric agrees there's a problem, and, if so, whether the best move is for you to talk to Pat, Eric to talk to Pat, Eric to end the friendship, etc. And if Eric disagrees that Pat is creepy or that staying friends with Pat is creepy, then figure out how not to let other people's problems become your marriage's problem.

Don't just jump from a place of complete silence into making absolute demands.

Comments

Tell Me About It: Play up challenged child’s strengths

Q: One of my children has a challenging personality. Within my family, we are aware of it, and deal with it, and love him oh-so-much. As he is getting older, I can see how the outside world (teachers, coaches, neighbors) favors him less than my other...
Published: 02/20/18

Tell Me About It: DNA results reveal 52-year-old secret

Q: I am in the middle of a growing crisis in my extended family because of revelations from a DNA match. After getting my results, I was contacted by a woman looking for her biological family. It quickly became apparent she was the child my sister ga...
Published: 02/20/18

Tell Me About It: Don’t expect help from careless grandma

Q: My mother moved to be closer to us when we had a baby, who’s now 2. She’s not responsible with him. She gives him anything he points to and grunts. Just in the past month, this has included a lighter ("He doesn’t know how to use it"), garden shear...
Published: 02/19/18
Ordinary dogs take to the Derby Lane greyhound track for the Mutt Derby

Ordinary dogs take to the Derby Lane greyhound track for the Mutt Derby

Some stopped midway, some turned around and ran the wrong way and some dashed to the arms of their owners as more than 300 average house pets took to the track at Derby Lane on Sunday for the Mutt Derby. The popular fundraiser for the Jaycees died o...
Published: 02/18/18

Tell Me About It: Doubts creep in to six-year relationship

Q: I have been with my partner for six years and have just graduated from college. I love my partner and could see myself happily married to them for the long haul. However, I am beginning to feel wistful about never having dated anyone else — or kis...
Published: 02/18/18

Tell Me About It: Vacation opens dialogue about money

Vacation opens dialogue about moneyQ: My girlfriend and I just went on our first vacation together. I thought it went well, but after we were home she told me she felt I had been cheap because I wanted to split all costs 50-50.I think cheap would be ...
Published: 02/16/18
Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of Feb. 19-25

Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of Feb. 19-25

Gasparilla Distance Classic: One of Tampa’s best known road races returns to downtown, with a 5K and 15K Saturday and an 8K and half marathon on Sunday. The chief attraction is the 15K on Saturday, which takes runners out and back along the man...
Published: 02/15/18
Updated: 02/18/18
Dance Moms star Chloe Lukasiak to appear at Florida State Fair on Saturday

Dance Moms star Chloe Lukasiak to appear at Florida State Fair on Saturday

TAMPA — Chloe Lukasiak will take on a different role than she is accustomed when she stops by the Florida State Fair this weekend.After all, the 16-year-old Pennsylvania-native and resident rose to fame on Seasons 1 through 4 of Lifetime’s reality te...
Published: 02/15/18

Tell Me About It: Past eating disorder affects food choices

Q: My wife refuses to change her diet and grocery shopping to accommodate my health needs and those of our kids. Everything she gets is processed grains and sugar. My doctor recently recommended losing weight, and exercise won’t cut it. But because s...
Published: 02/15/18
Top things to do this weekend: Florida State Fair, Mutt Derby at Derby Lane

Top things to do this weekend: Florida State Fair, Mutt Derby at Derby Lane

GO, DOG, GO: Mutt DerbyOne of the most hilarious days at the races is Sunday, when ordinary house pets get a chance to run on the Derby Lane greyhound track. Mutt Derby registration begins at 11 a.m., but you can register in advance at greyhoundpets...
Published: 02/14/18