Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Wife's low-set bar makes her unrealistic

Q: I have been asking my husband to go to therapy for more than five years and he always said a firm NO — absolutely not. After a particularly nasty fight, he conceded.

He just said, after three sessions, he thinks our marriage is fine; he doesn't see a need to change to meet my needs — for example, to have sex or kiss me, or spend less time on his phone; and I am just looking for excuses to leave.

This is not true. If he came to me and needed me to work on a behavior to remain happily married, I would.

Our therapist was less than helpful. She tended to defer to his feelings more, trying to get me to understand his points of view. She offered us no guidance beyond scheduling date nights. It was maddening, and I think she was trying to tell me our marriage was probably over.

My husband said I had embarrassed him by talking about our sex life, and wished me good luck finding "that unicorn of a man" — meaning someone who wants to have sex with his wife and be a good provider. We haven't spoken in a day.

I'm willing to try another therapist, one who gives us the tools needed to understand our relationship. He says absolutely not, it is a waste of time. Am I a fool to leave my best friend and secure marriage because he refuses to do the things I need to be happy?

One Chance at Therapy Blown

A: And then there's that unicorn of a therapist who can turn a phone-addicted, therapy-bashing, blame-shifting, defiantly lousy spouse into a good one.

Wanting a little attention from your marriage is reasonable, and that's the problem — the modesty of your goal has seduced you into believing it's possible to achieve.

But it's not. Not from a guy who accepts your plainly stated unhappiness as preferable to dropping his guard (or anything else) in any significant way.

So, no, it's not foolish at all to weigh whether you're better off now by yourself.

Comments
Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Spare the gore and take the kids to these family-friendly Halloween parties planned at theme parks and attractions in the coming weeks.Sharon Kennedy Wynne, Times staff writerCreatures of the Night at ZooTampa The weekend nighttime Halloween party at...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Parents want bully brother to be his best man

Q: Iím getting married. Thatís awesome. However, my parents want me to ask my brother to be my best man. The idea of letting my brother, whoís spent his whole life being the biggest jerk he can manage, stand up and give a speech about me makes me wan...
Published: 09/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom is frustrated by teenís dislike of academics

Q: I have a 15-year-old son who is obviously bright but hates school. My husband and I canít helicopter him to success because (a) we donít want to be helicopter parents, and (b) he has developed ninja-like skills when it comes to evading any attempt...
Published: 09/14/18

Tell Me About It: In search of ways to stop the family over-talker

Q: During extended family get-togethers with my side of the family, there is one person who does 95 percent of the talking. When I ask someone else in the room a question about their lives, this person always jumps in and takes over the conversation ...
Published: 09/13/18
Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens will open Florida’s tallest launch coaster in spring 2019, company officials announced Wednesday. The triple-launch, tiger-themed roller coaster called Tigris will hurl riders 150 feet into the sky, turn them upside down and swirl...
Published: 09/12/18

Tell Me About It:

Mom-to-be decides who will join her in deliveryQ: I am six months pregnant with my first child. Iíve been fixated a bit on who to have in the delivery room with me, I think because itís one of the few elements I can control in this pregnancy. Should ...
Published: 09/12/18
Tampa’s first KittyCon is coming, and cat lovers are purring

Tampa’s first KittyCon is coming, and cat lovers are purring

Kitten Lady and the owners of Cole & Marmalade will be at KittyCon.
Published: 09/11/18

Published: 09/11/18

Tell Me About It: Momís support shouldnít sacrifice her principles

Q: My 27-year-old daughter recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend. Now she wants me to tell her Iím on her side of every dispute.Itís her life, sheís an adult: Got it. But should I really be expected to tell her she acted well when she didnít? ...
Published: 09/11/18

Tell Me About It:

Q: Iím pregnant and have come to the realization that I need to be a stay-at-home mom. My husband and I had planned for me to go back to work, but I now realize staying home with the baby is something I need to do.My husband is not being supportive a...
Published: 09/16/18