Friday, April 20, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Woman needs to let husband in on her resentment

Q: My husband is going on an annual four-day weekend trip with his male friends. We have a small baby, so this will leave me to all the baby duties without a break or a chance to do the restorative things I typically do on the weekends, like go to the gym or sleep in one morning (we live far from family).

I appreciate that Husband is lucky to have this group of friends, but I can't help really resenting this trip. The resentment is affecting how I treat him. And for what it's worth, my girlfriends don't have the time or resources to do a trip like this, so it's not a situation where I can take my own weekend later on. How do I cool down my resentment, since I do think it's good for him to go on this trip and maintain these friendships?

Unfair Resentment?

A: The silver bullet for resentment is to identify its sources, and deal with them. For example, if you haven't told your husband how you're feeling, then you need to. Say you think it's good for him to go on this trip, but you're still struggling with how bad it is for you, and you'd like his help with that — not by canceling, but by helping you figure out, and then supporting, similar opportunities for a break. If he can't or won't sympathize, then it's a good bet your resentment has sources deeper than this weekend.

Meanwhile, as new parents far from family, you owe it to all of you — baby included — to establish your circle of help. You and your husband shouldn't do this alone, or expect each other to. For this weekend, consider recruiting a friend, get a babysitter or visit a gym that offers child care if yours does not.

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