Wednesday, May 23, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Woman weighs true love vs. having a baby

Q: How can you tell the difference between settling and making a good, logical decision? I'm thinking of this in terms of a romantic relationship. I'm with a good human who I love and who loves me, but there's no "spark" or that feeling of being "in love" on my end. I'm feeling pressured because of age to make the logical decision — I want to experience pregnancy before it's too late. But I'm feeling sad that I might never experience the high of being in love again, even if it's short-lived.

I don't want to sacrifice having a family because I'm waiting on a fairy tale. But I don't want to sacrifice being in love out of fear.

Choosing a Mate

A: If he knew you'd be marrying him just to have a baby, would he still want to marry you? How would you feel if he were saying this himself right now — that only the possibility of kids is keeping him there and if he were 25 he'd take a pass on you, because you're lovely but meh?

I don't know that we can even get to your question without first answering the moral question presented by your ulterior motive for marrying him. I'm sorry.

That's only the beginning of the questions, too: Once you have this baby, then what?

And when this child learns about committed love from your relationship with Dad, then what?

And when your eventually adult child poses this very same question to you about the "good human" he or she is dating but is not in love with, then what?

Or if you're unable to get pregnant, then what?

Or if your partner becomes ill or disabled and dependent on you, then what?

Or if you marry him and get pregnant and fall butt-over-handlebars in love with the guy who gets transferred into your office, then what?

I don't think it's ever a good idea to marry someone unless you're eager to share the rest of your life with that person.

Comments

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Plan your weekend May 18-20: Royal wedding watch parties, David Koechner, Fiesta Maxima, half off Dali admission

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