Wednesday, December 13, 2017
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It

Don't be afraid to reach out when he asks you to (even via text)

Q: Back on the dating market after a multiyear relationship and I'm feeling a little unimpressed with the guys I've encountered so far. One thing I've noticed happening repeatedly (five-plus different guys) is that after going on a few dates, the guys will always leave the ball in my court, usually by saying, "Text me if you want to go out again."

To me, this reads as lack of interest, but then they want to know why I haven't texted. This feels like terrible laziness and/or fear of rejection to me. Am I just behind the times? (I'm not even that old!)

Singlevania

A: If their asking you to text them is "laziness and/or fear of rejection," then what do you call your refusal to text them?

Equality isn't a la carte, so in that sense, what these guys are asking is not only fair, but culturally overdue: If you want to see them, then say so. To me they're just being pragmatic.

But if it's not for you — for core reasons, not arbitrary ones — then it's not for you. Either give it a try, or tell these men up front that you're not comfortable being the one to initiate, so they can know where you stand and decide whether that's okay with them.

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