Tell Me About It: insist on visiting

Q: "Ex" and I dated on and off for years, which ended years ago. It was not a healthy relationship. I am two years into a much healthier and happier relationship. The problem is that Ex's parents want to visit me and insist on coming to my home that I share with my current partner. Ex's parents were always very kind to me, but I just want to be done with that very sad chapter of my life. As an introvert, I find it very invasive that they would invite themselves to my home, especially since they know I am seriously involved with someone else.

The last time they invited themselves over, a couple of years ago, Ex basically told me I'm a horrible person for not wanting to hang with Ex's parents, which made me feel guilty enough to meet with them. I don't want this to continue.

Is there a kind/ethical way to give them the brush? I don't want to be a jerk.

Anonymous

A: Their "insist(ing) on coming to my home" is inappropriate, and that's your permission not to worry one bit whether you'd "be a jerk" to say no to them. If you did want to see them, then all you'd need to say is that X is an excellent restaurant-coffee shop and you'll meet them there Thursday at 7.

To pull the plug entirely, merely say that you have always appreciated their kindness, but that reminders of this part of your past are painful and you hope they'll understand why you're choosing to decline their invitation. If you can't bring yourself to do this, then that's worth further attention: The inability to say no leaves you especially vulnerable to controlling people.

Tell Me About It: insist on visiting 02/10/14 [Last modified: Monday, February 10, 2014 12:23pm]

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