Saturday, November 18, 2017
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: For new mom, parenthood doesn't live up to expectations

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Q: My husband and I always wanted children, and six months ago we were blessed with a wonderful, healthy baby girl. I love her to pieces, but whenever someone asks how I am "enjoying" motherhood, I guess the answer is . . . not all that much.

My husband and I had such a great life before this, and now I feel sucked into this vortex of constant care that is mentally and physically draining.

I do stay home with her full time and work from home part time, but my husband is extremely hands-on, and we have family nearby who will happily give us the occasional break. I know how incredibly lucky I am, but I sometimes fantasize about an alternate life of just my husband and me, enjoying life as a couple for the rest of our lives.

I guess I'm just surprised that actually having a kid isn't what I expected. Does this change as they get older? What is wrong with me that I don't seem to be enjoying this?

For what it's worth, I don't have postpartum depression, and am very loving with my daughter.

Blindsided

A: Your feelings are totally normal. It's hard. Harder for some than others. There's little that's easy about having someone depend on you constantly and completely. Find a sympathetic ear anywhere, from old friends to a new mom's group.

As for your other questions:

Change is guaranteed and generally for the better.

What is wrong with you? Nothing, most likely. You just may prefer older kids to babies.

Hang in there. Travel and dinners aren't dead, they're just on hiatus.

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