Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Have your say on relationship, then try to cut off dialogue

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Q: How do I deal with my sister-in-law wanting to talk to me constantly about a relationship I think is a 10,000 percent bad idea?

She met a guy on a one-night stand in another country and is flying to meet him. From what I can tell he's not much of a catch, but she's built up a lot of excitement around this.

I have a lot of concerns for her, so part of this is based in fear. The other part is sheer annoyance, since I've seen this pattern with her and "unavailable" men and know how the story goes.

I've made my concerns clear, listened to her rebuttal, and resolved to say nothing else since it's her life. However, she keeps gushing about all of it. Can I ask her to stop confiding in me? I just don't have any positive feelings for the situation and I'm tired of having to respond to her. How do I get the point across that I won't say anything bad anymore, but I don't want to have to say anything good, either?

Unsupportive

A: "Since I've made my serious concerns about this relationship clear, your gushing to me about it puts me in an awkward position. How can we fix this?"

Good luck. It sounds as if she has significant emotional problems and either no awareness of them or no interest in doing the work to deal with them. That puts all the people who love her in a tough spot, the major feature of which is hoping the fates spare her any severe consequences, since you can't make her get help or call off the international blind date.

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