Sunday, May 20, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Dealing with a chronically late partner

Q: My significant other is chronically late. It's a running joke among his family, who are also very lax about time.

It irritates me to no end. I have tried talking to him about it from every angle, and his answer is to avoid committing to specific plans with me because he doesn't want to make me angry by being late. We've been together two and a half years, so this has been a source of mounting frustration for quite a long time.

Any thoughts or suggestions? It's the main (only) thing we fight about, and I want to focus on fixing it as soon as possible.

On Time

A: I'm sure you do.

But you're up to your neck in proof that he won't change a thing and doesn't want to.

That means the onus is on you to change in some way — by breaking up, or adjusting the way you deal with him, or accepting him as-is.

By as-is, I mean getting to the point where you no longer wish he were different or respond to his tardiness with anger. How you get there can be about creative planning, leaving without him when he's late, going Zen, whatever else — as long as it isn't standing there steaming until he shows up.

So — do you want him as-is or not at all? Those are your two choices. I'm sorry. Angry at someone for being exactly who he has always been is no way to go through life.

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