Friday, January 19, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Your boyfriend is raising several flags that shouldn't be ignored

Boyfriend is raising several flags that shouldn't be ignored

Q: I just finished high school and am going off to college this fall. I recently got a boyfriend, and we have become very serious (marriage has come up).

He and his mom had a falling out. His father was abusive and is out of the picture. He has been staying with his sister, but they are now not getting along.

My parents also don't completely approve of him. He always has me pick him up at a general location, and my parents find it to be "extremely bothersome" that he doesn't have us pick him up at his house. They also don't like us kissing in front of them.

I am close to my parents but also truly love this young man. I don't know what to do.

Pulled in Two Directions

A: Stop sucking face in front of your parents, then go to college. That's it, but I'll explain anyway.

Public smooching: It makes bystanders wish they were elsewhere.

Parental disapproval: The "general location" could have an innocent explanation, but there's also a grain of "hmmm" to a situation where people avoid showing you their home.

Oh, the drama: My biggest concern. I get how good it can feel not only to be in new love, but also to feel needed and relevant to important things, like providing a sense of family to someone whose family harmed him. Stepping in both to repair and compensate for his family brings attention, intrigue and a sense of purpose. But someone who comes from abuse and is talking marriage early in a relationship is red-flag material. The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker is your homework.

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