They're coming, migrating quickly toward our beloved state whether you like it or not. And it's just a matter of time until they're infesting everything you love about Florida. No, not killer bees. Spring breakers. And if you had to pick between them, you'd seriously consider welcoming swarming insects imparting painful stings over the dopey Jersey Shore addicts from Michigan State snapping up all the grocery stores' cheap beer and Cool Ranch Doritos. Oh, we jest. Mainly because we're too old nowadays to join in their balcony-jumping fun. (By the way, stop doing that!) So while the college kids invade the beaches for the next month or so, we're left to entertain ourselves with some great spring break movies. Well, maybe not great. But they go well with Pabst Blue Ribbon and nachos.
Top 5 spring break movies
•1WHERE THE BOYS ARE (1960): The title song by Connie Francis is swimming around in your head already. Starring Dolores Hart and George Hamilton, the original (and not the dreadful 1984 remake) remains the quintessential movie about spring break. But not because it romanticized sunny days on Fort Lauderdale's beach, but rather because the film maturely explored the rapidly changing sexual attitudes that would later define the decade.
Memorable quote: "Experience! That's what separates the girls from the Girl Scouts."
•2GIRL HAPPY (1965): Note to Elvis Presley: Don't fall in love with the mobster's daughter (Shelley Fabares) whom you're being paid to protect over spring break. It will no doubt lead to embarrassing song-and-dance numbers for silly tunes named Do Not Disturb and Do the Clam. And no woman, in organized crime or not, can respect a man who "does the clam."
Memorable lyrics: "Everybody's got that beat / Well listen to those happy feet / Ain't you glad that you found out / What the clam is all about!"
•3THE SURE THING (1985): Unlucky in love (and the physical by-products of romance) at his snooty Northeastern college, John Cusack takes off for Southern California, where BFF Anthony Edwards (still with hair!) has supermodel Nicollette Sheridan waiting for him … no strings attached. Of course he ends up saying no to her. If Cusack really has a Hot Tub Time Machine, I'd urge him to go back to 1985 … and change his mind!
Memorable quote: "I'm not going to bed with you, I'm going to bed in a bed you happen to be in also. "
•4SPRING BREAK (1983): Hard to ignore a movie with a title about the very topic we're discussing. And yet, this clunker is a Trivial Pursuit question at best, starring Perry Lang and David Knell. Umm, who? Come on, you remember Knell. He played Kevin's friend No. 2 in a 2003 episode of Six Feet Under! You the man, Knell. All you need to know about this beer-and-breast fest is that while the location (Fort Lauderdale again!) is classic, the plot was strictly optional:
Memorial quote: "We got el shafto grande, we got no place to stay."
•5FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY (2003): What movie could rank lower than a movie starring two nobodies? Why, a movie with two American Idol pop-tarts, of course. First-season winner Kelly Clarkson and runner-up Justin Guarini meet at spring break and it's "bomb" at first sight. Clarkson's career recovered. Guarini is probably hosting open-mike nights these days at the Daytona Beach Econo Lodge.
Memorable quote: "You're the mayor of spring break, and she's one-bonnet-shy-Amish!"
Top 5 weekend movies
Alice in Wonderland, $116.3 million
Brooklyn's Finest, $13.5 million
Shutter Island, $13.3 million
Cop Out, $9.1 million
Avatar, $7.7 million
Top 5 primetime TV shows
Winter Olympics - Friday (NBC)
American Idol - Tuesday (Fox)
American Idol - Wednesday (Fox)
Winter Olympics - Thursday (Fox)
Winter Olympics Closing Ceremony (NBC)
[Source: The Nielsen Co., for week ending Feb. 28]
Top 5 Yahoo search terms in Tampa Bay
Olympics Closing Ceremony
Top 5 songs on iTunes
Imma Be, Black Eyed Peas
Hey, Soul Sister, Train
Need You Now, Lady Antebellum
BedRock, Young Money, Lloyd
Rude Boy, Rihanna
[Source: iTunes Music Store, for week ending March 1]