SERIES PREMIERE: First Week In, 10 p.m., Discovery: This new series follows convicted criminals headed to the lockup for the first time. This is likely meant by producers to be a crime deterrent, but if it's anything like MTV's Teen Mom, there will soon be a spike in felonies.
SERIES PREMIERE: Smash, 10 p.m., NBC: A songwriting team work on a Broadway musical based on Marilyn Monroe's life. At least we now know Michelle Williams could play the lead.
Glee, 8 p.m., Fox: Will turns to Ricky Martin for help with his Spanish assignment. But really, is there a problem Ricky Martin couldn't solve?
SERIES PREMIERE: The River, 9 p.m., ABC: Paranormal Activity creator Oren Peli conjures up this show about a wildlife expert with an adventure reality show who goes missing on the Amazon and is sought by his family and former crew members — who are taping it for our benefit. If only the Kardashians could get lost that way.
Person to Person, 8 p.m., CBS: Edward R. Murrow's seminal interview show returns with CBS This Morning's Charlie Rose and 60 Minutes Lara Logan sharing the duties. Take that, Barbara Walters.
Modern Family, 9 p.m., ABC: Phil is jealous of his wife's business partner, who happens to be Greg Kinnear, but we're more interested in Mitchell and Cameron staying with Jay and Gloria while their house is being tented. That'll be way more fun.
American Idol, 8 p.m., Fox: It's time to go to Hollywood. After that casting massacre on The X Factor, all the judges have to be glad to be back home.
SERIES PREMIERE: Mudcats, 10 p.m., History: More redneck fishing shows, this one in Oklahoma. Eventually they'll get all 50 states.
Who Do You Think You Are?, 8 p.m., NBC: Marisa Tomei traces her family roots, likely so she can find out who had the influence to help her win that Oscar.
Fringe, 9 p.m., Fox: Pete, Walter and Olivia are stuck in a city from which they apparently can't escape. Or as most of us call it, our hometowns.
Joshua Gillin, email@example.com