SEASON PREMIERE Hell's Kitchen, 8 p.m., Fox: It's twice the Ramsay this year, as season 10 opens in a twice-a-week format.
SEASON PREMIERE The Real Housewives of New York City, 9 p.m., Bravo: Is this one about the shrill, drunken, no-talent hags or the one about the angry, self-humiliating cougars? Trick question: All the Real Housewives series are about that.
Concert for the Queen: A Diamond Jubilee Celebration With Katie Couric, 9 p.m., ABC: Because Queen Elizabeth is all about Paul McCartney, Elton John, Jessie J, Annie Lennox, Tom Jones, Kylie Minogue, Stevie Wonder and will.i.am. Justin Bieber, we'd believe.
SEASON PREMIERE Rizzoli & Isles, 9 p.m., TNT: Maura and Jane are mad because Paddy Doyle was shot. We can understand being mad at someone who shot your biological father.
2012 CMT Music Awards, 8 p.m., CMT Who should win, Miranda Lambert or Pistol Annies? If you know the answer to that one, you've already set your DVR for this.
SEASON PREMIERE Necessary Roughness, 10 p.m., USA: After our initial shock that Scott Bakula was nowhere to be seen on this show, we've now got to deal with Mehcad Brooks being shot by a crazed fan. At least he didn't shoot himself, right, Plaxico Burress?
SERIES PREMIERE Take Me Out, 8 p.m., Fox: George Lopez lands on his feet after getting canned by TBS by hosting a dating series featuring 30 women and a bunch of single men. What an original idea!
SERIES PREMIERE Saving Hope, 9 p.m., NBC: A hospital's chief of surgery ends up in a coma and wanders the halls in the spirit realm to see what really goes on there. Good thing he needs to exist on the ethereal plane to notice things.
Seal Wars, 7 p.m., Animal Planet: The Whale Wars people also take on people who club baby seals to death. Because filming it and showing people powerless to do anything to Namibians is very effective.
Storytellers, 11 p.m., VH1: Puzzled by the change of pace on Norah Jones' new album? Check out this doc to understand where she's coming from.
Joshua Gillin, firstname.lastname@example.org