Top Gear, 9 p.m., BBC America: Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz show up to wring out a Reasonably Priced Car. Couldn't we at least get some reasonably talented actors to do this?
SEASON PREMIERE In Treatment, 9 p.m., HBO: Paul is worried about developing Parkinson's, but his new patient's wife died and he had to leave Bengal to move in with his son's family in the United States, so stop the whining.
SERIES PREMIERE American Restoration, 9 p.m., History: The restoration guy from Pawn Stars gets his own show, refurbishing stuff like Cadillacs and vintage Coke machines. That has way more to do with history than some show about a pawnshop.
SEASON FINALE Thintervention With Jackie Warner, 10 p.m., Bravo: Surprise! Everybody lost weight! But did they keep it off?
Glee, 8 p.m., Fox: Finally, that Rocky Horror tribute you've been waiting so long for.
SERIES PREMIERE Auction Kings, 10 p.m., Discovery: The owner of an Atlanta auction house tracks down stuff to sell to gullible buyers willing to bid way more than items' actual value. If only they made a website like that.
SEASON PREMIERE I'd Do Anything, 9 p.m., BBC America: You want to star in a musical? Try auditioning like everyone else.
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, 8 p.m., ABC: Apparently orphaned children distract themselves from a pointless life of despair and suffering by becoming malnourished and suffering from exposure in order to prove a mythical being exists when, in fact, it doesn't.
Scared Shrekless, 8 p.m., NBC: A new special that tries its hardest to keep the green ogre and his pals fresh in people's minds while animators toil away in a sweatshop making a fifth movie.
Good Eats, 8:30 p.m., Food: Alton Brown decides to do a new Halloween special because, eh, that new Iron Chef? It's not so hot.
SEASON FINALE Project Runway, 9 p.m., Lifetime: The only reason we're sad to see another season end is because we'll have to do without Tim Gunn's sardonic and brutally honest observations for a few months.
SEASON FINALE Beach Heat: Miami, 11:30 p.m., Showtime: Any time drugs are in the title — a la "Karma and Cocaine Hookups" — nothing but highbrow entertainment is sure to follow.
SEASON PREMIERE What Not to Wear, 9 p.m., TLC: Does redressing Mindy Cohn from The Facts of Life even qualify as stunt-casting? She was Natalie, for cryin' out loud!
Orny Adams: Takes the Third, 11:30 p.m., Comedy: We love comedians who make fun of fat, lazy children. Just because they're kids doesn't mean they can't learn that nothing is fair in life.