Thursday, May 24, 2018

DREAMTEAM

Defenders

Richard Sherman: If you can smother NFL receivers, you can smother those bony Brazilians (assuming he can avoid red cards).

Yasiel Puig: I'm not sure if he's Cuban, or American, or from the planet Zingon, I want him as my stopper. Plus, I want to see him bat-flip Ronaldo.

Adrian Peterson: Will unhinge fragile, foreign-made forwards, then run the field to score.

Sweeper

Mike Trout: With his speed and athletic brio, could probably handle defense all by himself, allowing U.S. to run soccer's first 1-7-2 formation.

Bench

Darren Sproles: Like former German scoring sensation Gerd Mueller, but with faster spin moves.

Jameis Winston: Not only a threat to score, but a reliable purveyor of fresh seafood.

Jimmy Graham: Is he a tight end or a wide receiver? Nope, he's a center mid? Great backup to LeBron as well.

Giovani Bernard: Bengals' explosive running back with a name that sounds like an Italian striker. Or a line of expensive loafers.

Serena Williams: America's angriest athlete finally gets to hit something besides tennis balls.

Technical director

Kobe Bryant: Not sure what a technical director actually does, but Kobe can do anything.

Team physician

Dr. Phil: Will be dealing with lots of head cases.

How much better would the U.S. soccer team be if American kids were not spread among so many other sports? Well, check out my roster. Here's what our team might look like if there were no NFL, NBA and Major League Baseball to siphon away top talent. — Chris Erskine, Los Angeles Times. Contributing: tbt*

Coach

Pete Carroll: Don't care if his motivational shtick borrows from John Wooden, he's the top coach in any sport.

Forwards

Reggie Bush: With his slashing, surgical moves, could be the second coming of George Best.

Andrew McCutchen: Baseball's best athlete would spread the field and make an aggressive, turbocharged scorer.

Midfielders

Colin Kaepernick: Ferocious open-field speed, lethal off Chris Paul's brilliant through passes.

Chris Paul: Sees the field like no one else, makes everyone around him better.

Landon Donovan: I don't care what that German idiot says, Donovan's still the best player on this highly athletic roster.

Calvin Johnson: Burner who will unbalance opposing defenses down the right side and create opportunities for this attacking midfield.

Flopping coach

Dwyane Wade: Though Reggie Evans might be the better choice.

Assistant coach

Mia Hamm: The guys would need to hear how to win at every level in the sport.

Keeper

LeBron James: Has the wingspan of an F-16 and can fly almost as high.

Coach

Pete Carroll: Don't care if his motivational shtick borrows from John Wooden, he's the top coach in any sport.

     
   
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