America, here comes Jersey — every last one of those ditzy, boozy, spray-tanned, muscled, waxed, hair-gelled, lip-plumped, teeth-whitened bozos who think it's a good fashion move to flaunt underwear as outerwear.
That's how the producers of the television cartoon South Park see Jersey residents, and they'll broadcast their version of the Garden State on Wednesday's "Jersey" episode.
No word on whether Gov. Chris Christie, fresh from appearing on the Oprah Winfrey Show to announce a $100 million donation for Newark schools, will make an appearance on the Comedy Central series. But if the promotional stills are any indication, a good chunk of the Jersey Shore cast will be — um, what's the word? — representin'. Probably in the hot tub. With vodka.
"I get a very small snippet of what the show's going to be," Jenni Runyan, a Comedy Central spokeswoman, said Thursday. "I'm not even aware of what's going to happen in the episode."
The plot, such as it is: New Jersey invades all U.S. territory east of the Rockies.
"As the Jersey-ites spill into Colorado and approach South Park, Randy and the boys stand strong against the onslaught," according to Comedy Central's news release.
A clip on SouthParkStudios.com shows what appears to be a town meeting, with councilman (and high school dropout, Nobel winner, geologist, Walmart cashier and too-gross-for-print Guinness record-holder) Randy Marsh highlighting what now is called West Jersey.
"The Jersey Shore now includes Jacksonville, Miami, the Gulf of Jersey, Mexico and the Jersey islands," the character says.
Some of New Jersey's biggest defenders say they'll be tuning in Wednesday to take in any slights firsthand, but they're mindful that the program is a cartoon that finds comedy in disabilities, Osama bin Laden's gastrointestinal troubles, the Sept. 11 attacks, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Tourette's syndrome, homosexuals, Asians, AIDS, the pope and celebrities' sex lives.
"I think South Park is an equal-opportunity offender," said state Sen. Joe Vitale, D-Middlesex, who has criticized Jersey Shore for furthering stereotypes. "It can be a little over the top, but it can be pretty funny, too. Hopefully, people who look at it can understand that it's South Park."