Tuesday, January 16, 2018

The crooked toe and the cuckoo girlfriend

Q: My girlfriend has had countless cosmetic surgeries and recently she insisted I have a facelift. She was embarrassed by my "aged appearance" (we are both 37). I reluctantly agreed and spent thousands of dollars for the procedure. I was even (relatively) pleased with the results. Now my girlfriend has determined that one of my toes is "hideously crooked." She wants it surgically corrected. I refuse to have what I consider another unnecessary surgery (the toe barely curves and I have had no pain or issues). My girlfriend is horrified that I will be out and about wearing flip-flops with my hideous toe for all to see. She told me I had a choice — her or the toe. When I told her I choose the toe, she agreed to stay if I only wear closed-toe shoes. Forever. I should mention that for 37 she has an amazing body. What do you think?

A: Of course your facelift turned out well — there was nothing to lift. Stay with this woman and I predict a future in which you end up like Michael Jackson, having to constantly wear a bandage on your nose because of all your botched surgeries. Your girlfriend may have a great body — she's surely paid enough for it — but I'll play doctor and suggest she may have Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

As for her demands about you, let's add BDD-by-proxy to her list of ailments. You know there's nothing wrong with either your face or your toe, but something's gone awry with your head. No matter the glory of your girlfriend's cosmetic enhancements, she's a nut who's going to ruin your life. Think of the possibilities of what's next: an earlobe trim, a scrotum tuck.

I say put on your flip-flops with pride and tell her to take a hike.

Put brakes on wedding

I am post-grad who, like many others, has dated a few people in my social group. I recently met and fell in love with a man I plan to marry (via online dating) and introduced him to my social group at a large party. One of the guys I dated briefly was there and my man was very upset. He says he doesn't like being around guys I slept with. I think he should just get over it, but he says I need to stop going to places where my "past is around." What say you?

I say hold off on the wedding planning. It sounds as if you have gotten engaged really quickly if your friends are only now meeting your fiancé.

There are people who consider being virgins when they marry to be an important value. Presumably, you and your fiancé are not among these people. Yet he wants you to strike from your social group anyone who may have had previous intimate knowledge of you. Let's say you had been married before and had had a child with your ex. I assume the father of your kid would not be verboten because he reminded your new love that you had loved someone else.

Extreme jealousy is highly destructive to a relationship. Your boyfriend is exhibiting a bad case of it, which should put your planning for the future on pause. — Slate.com

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