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Sunday Conversation: Dexter Frederick talks about blending his role as father, doctor

 
Dr. Dexter Frederick (far right) poses with his family: wife Lisa, daughter Jayde and daughter Kacy. Photo courtesy of the Frederick Family.
Dr. Dexter Frederick (far right) poses with his family: wife Lisa, daughter Jayde and daughter Kacy. Photo courtesy of the Frederick Family.
Published June 18, 2018

Like so many fathers this summer, Dr. Dexter Frederick soon will see his oldest daughter off to college. • Jayde Frederick will enroll at Oakwood University in Huntsville, Ala., this fall and begin chasing her dream of being a doctor. • Yet the Tampa pediatrician's emotions will be tinged with the fact he and his wife Lisa have helped Jayde, who soon turns 18, overcome so much already.

She suffers from sickle cell anemia, as does her 9-year-old sister Kacy.

Frederick recently spoke to Tampa Bay Times columnist Ernest Hooper at the Panera Bread Store near his office on Bruce B. Downs Boulevard about fatherhood, raising Jayde, "coming out of retirement" to have Kacy and why he started a nonprofit, Brain Expansion Scholastic Training (B.E.S.T.) to help aspiring teens of color pursue careers in the medical field.

How big of a role does being a father play in your life?

It's a big part. I wear the hat of being a husband and being a physician in the community, but in terms of being a father, it means even more to me because of the health concerns that my kids have. I took it seriously way back when I found out I was having kids. I reflected on how my father took care of me because that's all I knew.

Tell me about you father.

I grew up in the Virgin Islands, and my father was a construction worker, an electrician, a carpenter. He worked for Hess Company, a company we have here, and unfortunately he had a terrible accident. It took him away from that particular job but I can say most every afternoon, I had my dad at home. So I got a lot of attention from my dad. He showed me multiplication tables using stones. I have those vivid memories from fifth grade to 10th grade -- those examples of him being there, being around, being available. I remember when I was getting ready to go to college, he took my brother and I on a father-son trip to another island in the Caribbean. So you look at that so it's natural for me to want to spend time with my kids.

Having a presence, just being there — it sounds simple, but it makes a difference, right?

Yes. I'm reminded of that every time I go home. They want you there. Of course, you have to go to work. But clearly, I want to be available, I want to be there and I hope they remember that like I remember it.

Your older daughter was diagnosed with sickle cell anemia. When did that diagnosis occur and what was your reaction?

It was at birth. Basically, I had a healthy child, the birth went well and the pediatrician called me the first week. One of the worse things is a physician telling another physician some news. Initially, I was taken aback. I never had the need to check because none of my immediate family had the disease and none of her immediate family had the disease. So it wasn't on the radar. But of course, if I have the trait and she has the trait, your child is more likely to get the disease.

Since then our life has been different. ... My whole vision in terms of what my future family would have been was taken away at that moment. All of a sudden, I became the dad that loved the sport of swimming. I became the dad that always did an activity in the shade. I became the dad that continually brought water with me. It was tough because not only as a physician but as a pediatrician, I understood, potentially what the future might be for her. It took me aback.

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But you've been able to handle that challenge and she's doing well.

She's only been transfused once. She's only been hospitalized once or twice. Most kids get hospitalized once or twice a month. I'm thankful to God I have the knowledge to get the information. When I noticed they weren't aggressive here in Tampa, I took her to Emory to get some expert care. When they found out she had something else, I took her to Mayo Clinic to get a procedure done.

I tell myself that if I ever had sickle cell, I would have wanted a dad like me. That's how I look at what God has given me. I'm able to look at it through that perspective.

God will never give you more than you can handle. He gave her to you because you could handle it.

Right.

We're here at Panera Bread and your daughter recently received a scholarship at Panera's annual Knead for Knowledge Scholarship Dinner for kids diagnosed with cancer and blood disorders. How much did that night meant to you?

It meant a lot. She works really hard. She did not go to an easy school (Tampa Prep) and for her to do so well — she's a 4.0 student, the fourth-ranked person in her class. So for her to receive that reaffirmed that your hard work will pay off and it reminded her that her disability or your illness or your circumstances shouldn't hinder you. There are people looking out for you. In this case, it was the Pediatric Cancer Center and Panera. She left there with a big smile.

So you said you came out of retirement with your second daughter. There are nine years between them. I would imagine there was a time you thought you were only going to have one child.

We thought this was it but she started asking for a sibling. We had another motive behind the reason why. With all the knowledge I had as a doctor, and as a father and a husband, you just want to fix the situation, right? We thought if (Kacy) doesn't have the disease, she can be a bone marrow donor for our older daughter. You can cure sickle cell with a bone marrow transplant. That was the secondary intention.

Is she eligible to do that.

No, we now have a second child with sickle cell. But you know something, God takes you through a journey. By the time she came along, we had a healthy child. We knew how to manage it. We were not scared of the disease and we just really enjoy who she is. She just brings so much laughter to us. If you look at them, you wouldn't know. My goal, as a father, is to be their role model. No. 2, is to allow them to live happy lives.

Of course, you have to balance between making them happy and disciplining them.

Clearly there are benchmarks and there are bars we say we don't cross. We are a very religious family. We take the Bible seriously and we raise them up that way. ... We discipline, but we don't punish them with the belt or anything like that. My wife is better at that than I am. She's a marriage and family therapist, so she has the ability to corral or debate with a positive tone. I'm the one that raises my voice. If I raise my voice, she's the one who steps in and says, "What dad is trying to say ..."

So you have two daughters, but you also have hundreds of kids you've helped with your B.E.S.T. program. What was the motivation when you started that 14 years ago?

One of the things is I wanted to make it easier for kids than when I went through because it wasn't easy for me. I had people telling me I shouldn't even do it. I know the struggle. I know the ignorance of not knowing can be painful, can be financially draining, can be emotionally draining. I wanted to be a conduit for information and a conduit for using my degree to empower underrepresented populations who really want to pursue a health career. I want them to know you don't have to go in blindly. I think in 14 years, we have a good track record of that.

You're helping high school kids get on track, but you've also helped kids who are already in college.

To get into medical school, to get into dental school, there's a couple of things you need. You really need to have good academics. You need to have a network of people you can go shadow, do research with or have lunch with to help you make decisions. And, you have to pass those entrance exams. Those three pillars, in terms of the college students, is what we've helped the college kids with. This year, we had the most kids get into medical school: Case Western, Wright State, Nova, Meharry. I would say starting after this year, we're going to have an explosion of kids going into professional school.

What's the emotion when you see your students getting into med school?

I don't have to eat all week. I'm serious. It's putting a cap on 14 years of vision, providing more doctors who are passionate in the community. I know they're going to be touching thousands of lives.

Contact Ernest Hooper at ehooper@tampabay.com. Follow him at @hoop4you.