The surrogate
It begins with a woman who yearns for a baby and another who is willing and able to give her one. You can imagine the motives of the prospective parents. But what about the woman willing to carry a baby, give birth and then walk away?
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By
Nicole Hutcheson, Times staff writer
In print: Sunday, September 28, 2008
Mary Shuler and her daughter Megan, 3, of Clearwater make up stories about animals and fruit during a learning session that introduces preschoolers to the Chinese language at North Bay Community Church in Clearwater.
CLEARWATER — "It's for you," Douglas Apple said to his wife Maureen.
They remember the moment as vividly as a couple recalling their child's birth: Aug. 28, 2000, 6:30 p.m. The voice on the other line had a thick Chinese accent. But the words were clear.
"I'm holding a baby who has lips shaped like hearts," the voice said.
Three months later Maureen Apple held the girl with the lips and instantly knew she'd been right to follow her heart and seek out adoption in China.
"I loved her — I had been staring at her picture for months, and I picked her out right away," Apple remembers from the day she walked into an orphanage in the Jing Xi province of China to bring home her daughter Natalie.
Now Natalie is 8 and pounding clay in the confines of a cozy classroom at Clearwater's North Bay Community Church. She molds the clay into a teapot, which reminds her of her family.
The task is a part of the Tampa Bay Chinese Cultural camp's Xpress Yourself class. The goal is to get the girls to be confident in their skin — their Chinese skin, to be exact.
In the years since their first embrace Apple, like other parents of Chinese adopted children, learned that love wasn't enough, especially in a society that hones in on differences, especially skin color.
So Apple and a handful of other parents helped form the Tampa Bay Chinese Cultural Center earlier this year. They wanted to help their children be proud of who they are and their heritage, said Apple, who lives in Dunedin.
Four times a year, Apple and other parents like her bring their children together to learn about and celebrate their culture. Saturday's camp was the second time the group has met. They plan to meet twice more this year.
At this camp meeting there are close to 100 girls in attendance, from 3 years old up to 'tweens. Each camp meeting is tied to a Chinese festival or holiday.
At this meeting the girls watch a traditional dance honoring the Moon festival. A dozen or so girls stand on the stage wearing bright red kimonos with yellow scarves. They move like water.
"Like my Mulan dress!" squeals 4-year-old Skyler, a tiny Chinese girl sitting with her parents, who have driven from Ocoee to attend the camp.
Since the early '90s, it's estimated that more than 55,000 American families have adopted children from China. About 280 of those families live in the Tampa Bay area, according to Kat LaMons, director of Florida adoptions for Chinese Children Adoption International.
Over the past decade or so, the Chinese adoption community has placed a greater emphasis on cultural education for the children, LaMons said. It was a lesson learned from Korean adoptions in the 1950s.
"They called themselves bananas, because they were yellow on the outside but white on the inside," LaMons said. "Korean kids found they weren't accepted here or there."
Not exposing the children to their culture can lead to depression, withdrawal or worse, said Tony Tan, a psychologist and assistant professor at University of South Florida.
"How do you develop a good self-esteem without cultural backing," said Tan, who is the director of the China adoption research program at USF.
Pam Burnstein, whose adopted daughter Madison is 5, made the decision early to tell her daughter about her past.
When Madison was 2, Burnstein told her, "You're adopted, you're from China and your mommy and daddy loved you, but they wanted you to come live with us."
"We've always felt her heritage was hers and it was very important for it to be a part of her," Burnstein said. "We didn't want it to come as a surprise some time down the road and have her freak out on us."
Sometimes it's not so easy.
On a recent day Apple talked about plans for the next Chinese cultural camp meeting.
"Mommy, Mommy," Natalie asked tugging on her mother. "Can I bring my iPod so I can ignore the whole thing?"
The older she gets the harder it has been to keep her engaged in the activities, Apple said.
"There have been times when she's fought Chinese class," Apple confides with a look twinged with worry and resilience.
But on Saturday Natalie's iPod is nowhere in site. She giggles with the other girls in the class who are also pounding clay. They talk about how different they feel sometimes because of how they look or how they speak.
But in this class, at this moment, their hands specked with colorful clay, there is one overriding emotion: normalcy.
Nicole Hutcheson can be reached at nhutcheson@sptimes.com or (727)893-8828.
>>Fast facts
To learn more
For more information, call Maureen Apple, 727-580-9376 or e-mail ChinaMaureen1@tampabay.rr.com.
[Last modified: Sep 27, 2008 10:14 PM]
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