Wow! Doesn't That look just like Elvis?!
A groundskeeper at Magnolia Cemetery in Maryville, Tenn., missed a chance to stimulate the local economy this week when he was cleaning up some storm damaged trees and found a head inside one. Well, not actually a head. It was really just a face shape in the tree rings. "Who he is, I don't know," said Ernest Ward. It's probably too late to recover now, but for future reference, when you find a face-like apparition, the correct answer is almost always, "Wow! It looks exactly like (pick a biblical figure)!" Or, since this was in Tennessee, Elvis would have been acceptable. If you say it, people believe it, and the bus tours start. "I don't know" brings in zero tourist dollars, and probably isn't even worth anything on eBay.
Rats! Magic bullet misses the mice
The Santa Rosa (Calif.) Press-Democrat reported that a woman and man suffered gunshot wounds in a small travel trailer. There was no animosity, and no intruder. Except some mice. The woman, 43 and mercifully unnamed in police reports, saw mice scamper in the trailer, so she drew her weapon from a shoulder holster. But the trailer was small, and the gun slipped. A quick study of the Zapruder film suggests that the gun hit the floor and discharged and the bullet went through the woman's kneecap, hit a ring of keys hanging off the man's belt, ricocheted, grazed his groin, then ripped into his coin pocket, where it stopped and was recovered by police. Ta da! No mice were injured in the incident.
Puppy posters aren't code breakers
Nicole Currivan of Pittsburgh lost her beloved dog, Mochi. So she made about 1,000 fliers and posted them on utility poles around the city. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports that an overactive investigator saw the fliers, took pictures of them and called Currivan and told her the fliers were in violation of city code. "He said there's a $300 fine for every infraction of this code," she said. That could mean thousands of dollars in fines. So instead of looking for Mochi, Currivan and her friends spent the next couple of days collecting signs. But when public works director Guy Costa heard about it, he set everyone straight. The code only bars business and political ads from city property. "It doesn't say anything about pets," Costa said. "The pet lost-and-found signs stay up." In the meantime, still no Mochi.
A true honor
We have medals, but no recipients
Missouri Gov. Matt Blunt scheduled a ceremony to honor four police officers for their composure in the face of personal danger. The governor was there. Other officials were there. The press was there. Everyone was there except for the four police officers. No one had told them about it. The event will be rescheduled.
Compiled from Times wire services and other sources by staff writer Jim Webster, who can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.